Page 82 of Filthy Beautiful
“C’mere you.” I scooped him up as he came over to rub figure eights around my ankles. Which meant he was hungry.
I checked, but Xander’s car wasn’t in the driveway, so for sure he was still out.
I snagged a packet of Freddy’s organic kitty treats from the pantry on my way back through the house, and took him out by the pool with my laptop. I lounged out on a chair, putting my feet up, computer on my lap. Freddy curled up beside me, purring like a furry little motor as I fed him treats.
No matter what Xander thought, I wasn’t an idiot, a child, or some kind of bar slut. So from now on, I wasn’t even gonna bother avoiding him anymore or trying to impress him, seduce him, or convince him of anything.
I quit.
Since I couldn’t sleep, I tried to do something useful that might also tire me out—and work on the only thing I’d wanted to work on for the past year. I really hadn’t been working on it enough since I’d moved in here.
So maybe this was what I needed to do. Focus on something else—something besides my brother and his problems—that was important to me. Keep working at it… and maybe it would actually take me somewhere.
Becauseherewasn’t really working out for me so well.
In-between all the studying, all the stupid papers I had to write for school about things I didn’t care about… I’d worked on my secret project. It was what kept me going through the university entrance bullshit, working my ass off to get into a school I didn’t even want to go to.
I opened the file on my laptop.
ALIVE: The Life and Death of Gabe Romanko
I scrolled through the first chapter of the book, trying to focus on what I’d written.
Everyone else seemed to want to move on—as fast as possible—from what happened to Gabe.
Well, everyone except my brother.
I just wanted to go back and learn everything there was to know about Gabe’s life.
Everyone knew about his death. But that wasn’t the important part.
It didn’t tell you anything abouthim.
I’d become mildly obsessed with the knowing, like if I didn’t uncover it all, every scrap of detail there was to know about him before it was lost, itwouldbe lost.
Hewould be lost.
And I just couldn’t let that happen.
I wondered if my brother would be happy with the book I was writing about Gabe. Proud of me.
Or if he’d be upset about it.
I was pretty sure, as long as Gabe’s parents approved of what was in the book, they wouldn’t mind me publishing it. They weren’t afraid to talk about Gabe like my parents were. And if I did decide to publish it, I planned to ask Gabe’s parents for their permission, of course.
Maybe they’d even write a little foreword or endorsement for it. I wanted it to be legit, an official biography that Gabe’s family could be proud of.
I didn’t care what my parents thought. I didn’t need their permission to do this.
But I did wonder what Xander would think.
Unfortunately.
Freddy stretched out next to me. He was done eating, and proceeded to give himself a thorough, full-body tongue bath, like he always did after he ate. This little dude was meticulous about his appearance.
Kinda like Xander…
But Xander could stuff it.
