Page 224 of Filthy Beautiful
Maybe we both felt it.
Cary’sshadow.
“I know I need to let go of caretaking him,” I told him, when he gently asked me if I’d seen my brother today when I picked up my stuff from his house. The answer was no. “His life… his house… his job… I tried to butt into all of it. With pretty much zero results.”
And now I was diving right into this grown-up relationship thing with Xander. And it was weirdly bittersweet. Everything about moving in with Xander felt right—though a little scary—but I still worried about Cary.
Maybe I always would.
Now I’d just have to worry about him from a distance, once again, while at the same time trying to figure out my life. Figure out what I was going to do to make a living…
“Slow down, babe,” Xander murmured. He tugged me toward him, and I realized I’d been spewing all the worries in my head out my mouth.
“You don’t need to worry so much.” He kissed me on the forehead. “I own this place and you don’t need to pay any rent. And there’s time for everything else.”
“I just feel like I need to figure things out, fast. I need to be able to take care of myself on my own. You know, without my brother and my parents…”
“You have me,” he said simply. “And we’ll figure it out.”
“But you have your band. I’ve got nothing but a half-written book and a dream—”
“It’s a good dream,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”
“But you’ll be leaving on tour, and—”
“Don’t. Stop talking like we’re over when the Players come together, okay?” He looked me deep in the eyes, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Aren’t we…?” I said.
We stood there, just looking at each other.
It was the first time I’d said it out loud, and I realized that ever since we’d made the decision to move in together, a few days ago, that’s what I’d assumed this would be. A for-now sort of thing, until he went on tour with his new band.
After that… who knew?
Xander wasn’t the kind of guy to stay faithful to me while he was away, on the road, for long stretches of time… Was he?
“No,” he said. “We aren’t.”
“But how will we—“
“I’m not letting you go,” he said, firmly, pulling me against him. “I don’t know how, and I don’t care. But I’mnotletting you go.” Then he squeezed me in his arms, tight, and kissed me.
After that, I kinda forgot about unpacking.
Instead, we had hot, slow, amazing sex on our walk-in closet floor… in the middle of which, he told me he loved me again.
Several times.
He told me again afterward, as we got dressed.
And again, when we were out for dinner.
* * *
That night, we went to the Artemis, a nightclub in downtown Vancouver where DJ Summer was playing a sold out show—and we were VIPs. We were on her guest list, entered by way of a back door, and hung out in the roped-off VIP area with her other guests.
When we arrived, it was close to eleven, Summer would soon be taking the stage, and the party was in full effect.
