Page 50 of Filthy Beautiful
I’d never felt the way my friends felt, or the way my brother felt, or the way my mom wanted me to feel.
How are you doing, sweetheart?
Fine. I was doing fine.
Or maybe I hadn’t really stopped to think about how I was doing, because I was so worried about my brother all the time.
And so caught up in trying to hate Xander—and failing.
I had no idea what to feel about the man who’d died last week.
When someone killed someone you loved, even if it wasn’t on purpose, even if it was an accident… And then that person died, too… How were you supposed to feel, anyway, in the privacy of your own heart?
Relieved? Sad? Glad?
Angry all over again?
I did feel every one of those things.
I did feel glad, in a way, when I heard that the man responsible for Gabe’s death was dead and gone.
At least now, maybe he couldn’t hurt us anymore.
But it didn’t make me feel any better.
Chapter Six
Xander
For the next few days, I avoided Courteney. I knew things had gotten dicey the other night by the pool, when I’d asked her how she was doing. When she ran away from me.
I didn’t know how she was really doing, or what she was really thinking.
But I knew by now that being around her would makemethink all kinds of filthy shit that I’d just as soon not think about when it came to her.
It was now Sunday morning. Almost a week since Courteney had moved into Cary’s place. I’d brought over some more clothes and shit from my place. But other than sleeping here at night, I hadn’t been here much.
I showered and got dressed, put back a breakfast shake. Figured I’d grab a coffee on the way over to the studio, play my drums. I had a place I rented over in Strathcona where I stored them, and practiced when I wasn’t on the road or in rehearsals. I preferred playing with a band, but I always practiced, even if I was alone. It was exercise. And it kept me sharp.
After that, I’d head to the gym. Check in with Jordan, maybe. Meet up with friends for dinner and drinks. Stay out as long as I could.
The usual.
Come back here to crash well after dark, after Courteney was asleep.
Solid plan.
Day seven of my “stay the fuck away from Courteney” plan was going strong, so far.
I grabbed my keys and gym bag and headed out the door.
But as I walked through the backyard, I found Courteney out by the pool, alone. In a bikini.
Plans changed.
I literally pivoted midstep and started walking toward her. I hadn’t seen her using the pool area at all, other than that one time with her girlfriends.
I slipped my keys in my pocket and stood over her. She was stretched out in front of me on a lounge chair, in a white bikini. She had sunglasses on, and she didn’t react, didn’t say anything. She also had earbuds in, connected to her phone, which was lying next to her.
