Page 35 of Filthy Beautiful
Like when, exactly, had I started letting myself think those things about her, anyway?
That night in my car?
Before that?
Yeah, definitely somewhere before that. Like maybe somewhere around that time I came home from tour, and she suddenly had tits.
Fantastic, juicy, bouncy, fucking perfect tits.
And enough attitude to go with them.
It was like she’d grown up overnight, and suddenly I didn’t see Cary’s little sister. I saw this smoking hot woman… who wasn’t really a woman.
She was sixteen.
And she was still Cary’s little sister.
It was enough to make me turn my attention elsewhere—fucking fast—and just go the fuck on with my life.
Had a new album to record, anyway, more touring to do. A lot more touring. As a new and barely successful band, Steel Trap toured more and worked harder than a lot of musicians I knew in much bigger bands.
And no matter how successful you weren’t, at every level, there were always women.
Coming out to the shows. Backstage. Every party, every bar you walked into.
At least there were for me.
The more women I was with, the easier it got to convince myself that whatever happened that night when Courteney was sixteen and I ran into her at a party, and I didn’t even recognize her for about half a lust-charged minute…
It didn’t mean anything.
The fact that the girl I’d once thought of as alittle girlactually made my dick take notice at a party…
It didn’t mean anything.
It was just a moment, a weird blip in my sexual history that meant about as much as randomly having the face of someone you weren’t even attracted to pop into your head in the middle of sex.
The brain worked in mysterious ways, right?
She was pretty. She had nice tits.
She grew up.
I noticed.
It really didn’t mean anything.
I went on with my life.
I went on fucking other women.
Occasionally, her face popped into my head when I was fucking those women.
It still didn’t mean anything.
But here was the really, truly fucked-up part.
Since I’d fucked that stripper, the same night I had that messed-up fight with Courteney in my car, three weeks ago?
