Page 214 of Filthy Beautiful
“Have you seen pictures of me when I was a teenager?”
“I don’t think so…”
“Trust me, you’d remember if you did. I didn’t look like I do now. And I know what it is to feel overlooked.”
“Well… just because you didn’t look like you do now, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have—”
“My nose was too big. My arms were too long. I was skinny and awkward. I had braces. You wouldn’t even recognize me, and you definitely never would’ve begged me to fuck you.”
She stared at me, sighed and said, “You’re the same person, though, Xander. You think I’m that shallow? That I couldn’t see who you were?”
“I think I was that much of a geek. And plenty of girls half as pretty as you laughed in my face when I tried to talk to them. I know how it feels to be unwanted. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Then… you know how much it sucks,” she said. She took a few steps toward me. “And I don’t want it anymore. If you want me, then good. If you don’t… I can’t chase you forever, Xan.”
“I know you can’t. I wouldn’t want you to.”
She nodded a little, like she was committing to something in her head. Shoring up her courage, maybe. “So… My friends told me to stop trying to seduce you. And… I think I’m gonna stop.”
“You should.”
She just stared at me. Her mouth opened a bit.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I muttered. “Sorry. I meant… I don’t want you to have to chase me. You shouldn’t have to.”
She sighed. “You’re terrible at this, you know?”
I shifted uncomfortably and scratched my beard. Shit, I needed to shave. “I know.”
“You feel guilty,” she said gently. “That you’ll hurt him.”
“Yeah. I do.”
“But this isn’t about him.”
She held my gaze, steady, and I knew she was right.
“Yeah.”
She looked me over, slowly, and frowned. Then she took me by the hand. “Come here, you.”
She led me into the bathroom and turned on the shower.
“What’re you doing?” I said, just standing there stupidly as she started pulling up my T-shirt. I lifted my arms and she stripped it off over my head. Then she went at my sweatpants. “No offense,” she said, as she worked my pants down to my ankles. “But you need a shower.”
I stepped out of my pants as she went to check the shower temperature. Then I slipped off my underwear and moved in behind her. I pressed in close and buried my face in her neck, smelling her soft smell and kissing her. My hands closed on her waist.
Then I steered her straight into the shower, pushing her in ahead of me.
She squealed as the water hit her. It was warm, but she was also fully dressed, and quickly soaked as she spun in my arms. I blocked her escape. I wrapped myself around her and held her under the spray, burying my face in her neck.
“Uh, Xan… I’m all wet.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I didn’t bring any other clothes.”
“Good.”
