Page 235 of Hot Mess
“What would you say?”
I shrugged. “I just don’t have a lot of patience for shallow people. Narcissistic, fake people. Turns out, the world is full of them. At least the world I live in.”
“Self-obsessed people?”
“Yeah. Those. And maybe sometimes I have a hard time biting my tongue about it.”
“I see.”
She rested her head against my shoulder. Her fingers slowed, then stilled in my hair. For a minute, I thought she’d fallen back asleep.
“So…” she asked softly, “which mean girl category did your ex-girlfriend Summer fit into?” She peered up at me. “Or was she an exception to the rule? I mean, I know you said she was the one you were most serious about…”
“Uh, no. Summer wasn’t an exception. She wasn’t narcissistic exactly, but she was definitely self-absorbed. And untrusting. I mean, if you ask her, she’d probably see it differently.”
“I’m asking you,” she said. “What about Elle?”
I studied her pretty face. It still blew me away that she could just talk about this stuff without getting all pissy or jealous about it.
Like she genuinely wanted to know, and not so she could hold whatever I said against me later or throw it back in my face when she was mad.
I’d definitely dated that kind of girl, too.
“Elle was definitely self-absorbed,” I said. “Got a little mean at the end when I didn’t back off like she wanted me to or as fast as she wanted me to. And definitely emotionally disinterested.”
“And Dylan’s girlfriend?” she asked. “Amber?”
“Amber was a stuck-up bitch when I first met her,” I said, honestly. “But that was just armor. Underneath that she was warm, caring, and definitely interested. Wasn’t self-absorbed either, but she was definitely Dylan-absorbed.”
“She never felt the same about you as she felt about him?”
“You think?”
“I’m getting the picture…”
“She was always about him,” I said. “I’d be kidding myself if I tried to imagine it was anything other than that. I mean, she liked me, after a while. I thought for a little while there that we had something special. All of us. Me and her, too. But I was wrong. What I felt was them falling in love with each other. I got caught up in it for a while, seduced by it, confused by it. But if I was really being honest with myself… I knew all along. I knew they fit together, and sooner or later there’d be no room left for me.”
Danica drifted her hand down my neck, then wrapped her arm around me. Cuddling with me. Amber never really did that with me. At least, not when we were alone, unless, maybe, we were talking about Dylan.
“When did you know it was over?” she asked me.
I sighed. “I kissed him,” I said. Might as well just tell her everything, right? “He didn’t kiss me back.”
“Ouch,” she said softly.
“Yeah. He told me he couldn’t be with me like that. He told me what I already knew. I knew he was straight, knew we could never be together, but when Amber came along, for a little while, she made that feel possible. I think I’ll always be grateful to her for that in a weird way. You seriously want to hear all this shit?”
“It’s fascinating,” Danica said, gazing up at me as she listened to me spill my guts.
“You’re fascinating,” I said, staring right back at her.
“Tell me what it was like, being with them.”
Jesus. She really was brave.
“Okay…” I tightened my arm around her. I didn’t like to think about it all that much. Thinking about the good times when we were together, the three of us, didn’t always make me happy. Sometimes it made me fucking depressed. But I was getting past that now, at least. “We had some amazing times together, the three of us. Like some of the best moments I’ve ever had. I guess… because I felt so close to Dylan. Like I was part of his life in this way I thought I’d never be. But he told me he wanted Amber to move in with him, wanted her to come on tour, and I knew I didn’t fit into that scenario anymore. He didn’t even have to say so. Dylan’s never cared that deeply about a girl before.”
“Well… that’s kind of beautiful in its own way, isn’t it?” Danica asked, carefully. “Like, is there a part of you that’s happy for him, that he fell in love like that?”
