Page 78 of Dirty Like Zane
I kept myself busy, though. And thank fuck I had Talia in my corner, because I really couldn’t face Zane likethis.
Because I’d been honest with him about something else, too. I was in love with him, and yay me, I’d finally admitted that to both ofus.
Which meant that any way you looked at it, I was incrediblyfucked.
It was our first night in Vegas when it really hit me—the fucking sadness. The major fucking downer of being in Las Vegas again, which only brought back all the memories of the last time I washere.
In that penthouse suite of my dad’s hotel… withZane.
We weren’t staying there this time, thank God. For whatever reason, my dad had been distracted or disinterested enough that he didn’t reach out to invite Dirty to stay there. I was relieved, of course, but I was also a little hurt. Because stupid me. As much as I always dreaded seeing the man, it hurt when he made no effort to seeme.
It alwayshad.
Maybe it hurt less now than it did when I was a little girl, but it still hurt. He was still my dad. The only one Ihad.
When we’d checked into our hotel in the afternoon, Zane had texted me. It was the only time he’d spoken to me indays.
Zane:you talk toDizzy?
Me:No.
And that wasit.
For the rest of that night, as the band went barhopping and I tagged along, and everyone else had a great time, I just feltsad.
Anytime I’d glimpsed Zane, he seemed to catch me looking at him—and he didn’t look very happy, either. His jaw was tight, his gaze cold, and he barely seemed to be talking to anyone. I wasn’t sure if he was just pissed at me, or also pissed at my dad for not reaching out to me while I was intown.
I wouldn’t doubtthat.
But I definitely couldn’t handle that look on hisface.
I couldn’t handle fighting with him anymore—aboutanything.
It was breaking myheart.
And our second day in Vegas only gotworse.
People started talking—about Zane. About what a foul fucking mood he wasin.
Apparently he’d lost it on some of the crew at a TV interview, which wasn’t his style. Zane could be hotheaded, he could be moody and he could definitely be a dick, but he generally didn’t go off on random people who were just trying to do their jobs. Especially people whose job was to make him lookgood.
Glad I wasn’t there to see it, and I definitely wasn’t gonna watch the footage that had leaked onto the web, showcasing his littletantrum.
Brody called me aboutit.
I let that call go to voicemail, promising myself I’d deal with ittomorrow.
And for the rest of the day, my spirits justsank.
I didn’t see Zane until later, when we all ended up hanging out in Jude’s hotel room. The party went late. Hotel management came by a couple of times and politely asked us to shutup.
Normally that might’ve stressed me out, but I just let Jude deal with it. Jude had a lot of experience greasing palms; something I’d never been able to pull off with much authority. Made meuneasy.
Meanwhile, I’d just kept making drinks. I often played bartender at Dirty parties, and usually it was fun. Kept me busy and feeling like I was looking after everyone—my comfort zone. Though this time it felt weirdly wrong, serving up booze while Zane just sat in a corner with Shady, sipping his water and lookingangry.
The party eventually dissolved and we were all now sitting in some diner eating middle-of-the-night breakfast. I couldn’t even remember how we’d ended up here. I wasn’t drunk. I’d maybe had two drinks over the course of the night. But I was tired and distracted and incredibly disconnected from whatever was going on aroundme.
All I could think about was Zane, and that night almost two yearsago.
