Page 57 of Dirty Like Zane
Like I was about to go into free fall orsomething.
It was getting late, like almost four in the morning, and things were starting to mellow out. Elle and Seth and Jessa and Brody had already headed back to the hotel a while ago. But Zane was still here, so I was,too.
The Black Keys’ “Psychotic Girl” was playing and all the remaining couples were snuggled up together, pawing at each other, the rest of us kinda rolling our eyes in semi-jealousy as wedrank.
Theusual.
Katie was sitting in Jesse’s lap and Amber was sitting in Dylan’s, the four of them all cozied up in a booth together. A bunch of our security guys were hanging around, most still on-duty and not drinking. But Jude was up by the bar with Roni, his arms wrapped around her as she played with his hair, a drink in his hand. They were talking, kissing, and pretty much oblivious to anything else going on aroundthem.
It was nice to see Jude be able to relax a little on tour, let down his guard. Have his guys take care of things for a while, while he just enjoyed being withRoni.
It was amazing, really, to see them so inlove.
All ofthem.
My people. Myfamily.
I liked seeing my friends happy, obviously. I especially liked it when the members of Dirty were happy. Made all our lives a hell of a lot more enjoyable, especially on theroad.
Plus, it made the fangirls lesswelcome.
We all loved the fans. We needed and appreciated them. But if I never had to see any of the guys in the band making out with a groupie again, it wouldn’t exactly be ahardship.
For his part, our temporary bassist, Matt, had definitely been enjoying his share of groupies on this tour, as had a few of the Steel Trap guys. Though tonight, Matt didn’t seem to be looking to hookup.
He was sitting withme.
I wasn’t even sure how we’d ended up sitting together, but maybe since we were both pretty much alone, it just happened. We didn’t know each other well yet, and he was asking me all kinds of get-to-know-you questions like he was genuinelyinterested.
I was thinking how nice he was for a hot rock star who could’ve been a total dick. He wasn’t a dick. Matty seemed to be about as sexually-charged as they came; no surprise there. You took a guy with great genes and musical talent, gave him an electric bass and put him onstage, the women were gonna be lining up to fall at hisfeet.
That was the reality of the world I’d always livedin.
But he definitely wasn’t a dick aboutit.
Actually, I was thinking I could probably like a guy like Matty Brohmer, like…likehim—you know, if I wasn’t already in over my fucking head with ZaneTraynor.
I was watching him across the room as I chatted with Matt. He was sitting in a booth with Shady, Alec, and a couple of the Wet Blanket guys. His hair was styled up in a cool, mussy fauxhawk, the way he wore it onstage. He wore ripped jeans and an old Judas PriestLove BitesT-shirt with the sleeves and sides cut out, and his elbows were up on the table; I could see his bare waist and the curve of his pectoral muscle. I could see his nipple piercing when he leanedforward.
And Christ… I wanted to lick him all over. Nibble every inch of his amazing body and hear those sounds he made when he was lost inlust.
He wasn’t looking back at me. I knew he was still mad atme.
He had every right tobe.
But it waskillingme.
He hadn’t spoken to me all night. He hadn’t spoken to me in two days, actually. Two. Days. He wouldn’t even look my wayanymore.
And it was so much harder than when I froze him out. Which was already fucking hardenough.
Wasthiswhat it felt like for him when I avoidedhim?
Shit.
I was a terrible, terribleperson.
I kind of tuned in and out of the conversation with Matt, managing to keep up my end of it, mostly, while keeping an eye on Zane. I was pretty practiced at this after so many years of wanting him fromafar.
