Page 128 of Dirty Like Zane
“Yeah. I know. And one day we will. But let’s just give this some time to be real. Just the two of us.” I gazed up at him, wanting that more than anything. To just be with him without any external pressure and enjoy it for a while. Without worrying what other people would think, or dealing with women hating on me or the media swarming. “Okay?”
“Okay,” he said, with surprisingly little resistance. His eyes searched my face. “Just tell me you’re happy,okay?”
He’d never asked me that before. I only realized that now, because it stood out. Honestly, from the day Zane had married me, he’d never asked methat.
He’d asked me to be his wife, yes. He’d asked me to love him and to try to make our marriagework.
But he’d never asked me if any of it would make me happy. He’d never asked me if I thought he could make me happy, or if Iwashappy.
I looked at my tattoo. It was wild and impulsive. It was so like Zane, but it really didn’t seem likeme.
The thing was, itfeltlike me in a way I wasn’t sure how to explain to him or toanyone.
It felt right, just like lying here with himdid.
“That’s hard for me to answer,” I told him, honestly. “I’m definitely not unhappy. But this is all so new. I don’t mean our relationship, even though it’s definitely changed some in the last several weeks. It’s grown, and it feels good. But I mean, I’m kind ofnew.”
I looked at him, wondering if he understood what I meant by that. If he’d noticed the subtle changes in me, even while he was going through more dramatic changes of hisown.
“I’m different with you, Zane Traynor. I think when I’m with you, I’m more of the person I would’ve wanted to be if my whole relationship with my father hadn’t left me so starving for security and control.” I shook my head. “You know, I never thought I was a fearful person. But the fact is I’ve let fear pretty much rule my whole relationship with you. I always thought I was strong because I was in control of my life. The truth was, I was desperate to be in control because I was so scared. Being around you always scared me because the things I feel for you make me question everything about the way I’ve been living mylife.”
His fingers stroked lightly up-and-down my arm as he took that in. “The thought of being my wife still scaresyou?”
“Actually,” I confessed. “It doesn’t. It’s curious and thrilling and… I don’t know… delicious? I don’t know any other word to describe this feeling. The feeling of lying here in your arms and knowing this thing between us isn’t going anywhere.” I looked up into his eyes. “It’s delicious, and I want more ofit.”
“You know you’re just making me fall more in love with you,right?”
I smiled. “AmI?”
“Yeah. But it’s not your fault. I pretty much fall in love with you more every day, no matter what you do. It’s pretty fuckingridiculous.”
“I think I know what youmean…”
He kissed me, softly. Then he told me, “I love you,Maggie.”
And for the first time hearing those words from his lips, I truly believedhim.
“I’ve never loved before like I love you,” I told him, and I think he believed me, too. “This kind of love… it’s a once-in-a-lifetime love,Zane.”
Chapter Eighteen
Zane
She really should’ve knownI wasn’t gonna let this shitlie.
I mean, my wife knew me by now,right?
Maggie had to know sooner or later I’d be pressing her to tell the universe we weremarried.
Or someone else would tell… and I’d just go along with it. Maybe I wouldn’t blab just yet, but I wasn’t gonna deny it if it came out. I wasn’t gonna lie about it, and I wasn’t gonna beashamed.
Fuck shame. I hadnone.
As I watched Maggie eating her mushroom risotto, one of her favorite meals, way too quietly, I figured she already suspected I was buttering her up because I was itching to spill. Brag to the media. Shout it from the rooftops. Piss her name in thesnow.
She already had my name tattooed on her finger. Might as well brand her with hickies and start wearing matchingshit.
I wasn’t exactly a quiet, private or subtle dude. I definitely lacked manners, tact, and that impulse control thing she was always going onabout.
