Page 180 of Dirty Like Zane
I considered how to answer that. How many people had asked me that in the last six months? How many times had I saidyes?
And how tired was I of saying yes to make them feelbetter?
Fuckingtired.
“I’m not,” I answered honestly. “But I willbe.”
“Soon?”
“Notsure.”
He leaned on the low stone wall next to me as we both looked out over the city below. “Few people coming back to our place. Youcoming?”
Our place.That would be his house in West Vancouver, the one he bought last year, which Maggie had just moved into. I’d definitely enjoyed my share of parties in that housealready.
But Dylan and Amber would probably be there, and I wasn’t in the mood forthat.
“Think I’ll pass thistime.”
He nodded. “Yeah.Okay.”
We both fell silent. I fished out my cigarettes; I doubted people were supposed to smoke out here at all, but fuckit.
I thought Zane might leave as I lit up, but he didn’t. I offered him one but he passed, sipping his non-alcoholic drinkinstead.
“So,” he said, breaking the silence. “You fuck Dylan orwhat?”
I laughed, a little, because it was typical shit for Zane to say. The dude seriously lacked afilter.
I couldrelate.
But he was probably also trying to crack the palpabletension.
“Does itmatter?”
“Nope,” he said. “I’m just perversely curious likethat.”
“I never fucked Dylan. Wasn’t likethat.”
“He fuckyou?”
I shook my head. “Not his type. His type’s in there, with the flower in herhair.”
“You guys stillcool?”
“Kind of.” We reallywere.
Thing was, we were a littletoocool.
Dylan was happy. He wanted me to be happy. I wasn’t happy. We were still best friends, and I hoped that would never change. But something was different. It was the pity he felt for me, maybe. Or the pity I imagined hefelt.
Or maybe it was just the broken heart I kept dragging around that made things sounclear.
Hard to see things clearly, maybe, when you were wasted more than you were sober and too busy bouncing in and out of beds to ponder shit likefeelings.
“You think Amber’s worth it?” Zane asked after a moment. “Cute girl. She seems good for Dylan. But is she worth this?” He looked me over again, assessing me with his cool blueeyes.
I shrugged. “Amber’s not theproblem.”
