Page 51 of Dirty Like Jude
Monday night.
11:03pm.
I fell into bed,spent.
Stared at the fucking ceiling, spread out on the king-sized mattress that no one ever slept on but me. I was a king-sized dude. It never occurred to me before that that was weird. That no one had ever laid in this bed withme.
This bed that I’d never shared with a woman. Had never thought about bringing a woman hometo.
Had never laid in by myself, either, jerking off and longing for aspecificwoman… untilrecently.
Untilher.
This morning, I was late to meet Jesse. Combination of being out late, drinking with Roni, fucking the hell out of each other at her place until almost four in the morning, then dragging my ass home… and the residual discomfort of myinjuries.
Taze.Fuck, that littleshit.
I’d tossed the painkillers this morning thinking I could go without them, and I was feeling it, but it wasn’t too intense. Just exhausting as my body struggled to heal while I instead punished it with shots of bourbon and wild-asssex.
I didn’t need anyone to know how wrecked I was, though, so I downplayed the damage on my cheek and I definitely didn’t tell anyone about myback.
I’d spent the day at the recording studio with the band, but all the while Bane had kept me posted on Roni’s whereabouts. She’d gone straight home after work and stayed in for the evening, and Taze hadn’t reared hishead.
After getting her breakup text late last night, twenty-four hours after he’d pulled a tire iron on me, he was probably worried that I’d gotten toher.
Goodstart.
But I wanted to be sure she’d stay the hell away from him. I had no idea if she really would. Just because she dumped him last night, via text, when I was a nanosecond from fucking her, didn’t mean it was gonnastick.
She didn’t messageme.
I didn’t messageher.
I wondered if she wanted me to givechase.
I wondered if Iwould.
Soon after I met her, Roni had told me, casually, that she never went back for seconds. She told me that many times. Just one of those flirtatious, ridiculous things she used tosay.
She told me the same thing, again, thethirdtime I’d fucked her—the night of Jesse’swedding.
But then she went and got herself aboyfriend.
I said I didn’t want a relationship with her. Told her that. Told myself that. But now here I was, home alone in bed, without her—wanting more. I was thinking about how to seduce her when I told myself, long ago, I’d never dothis.
Veronica Webber hurt me. More thanonce.
I swore I’d never lookback.
But now I was looking back. Trying to see things as they were. Through mature eyes, rather than the limited vision I had backthen.
How fucking little I understood about womenthen.
But Ialwaysknewmyself.
Over the years, I’d had my share of women, but I’d always cared. No matter how little I knew them, no matter what strangers they were to me in that moment, I always had to care. Couldn’t turn that part of myself off like some guys could. Had to look a woman in the eye and give a shit how she felt about it during,afterward.
Had to look Roni in the face ten months ago, right after we’d fucked, stare straight down the barrels of those two jade-green eyes of hers and ask her,You feelin’ me,V?
