Page 113 of Dirty Like Jude
How fucking stupid wasI?
“You pissed ’cause I fucked her?” Piper asked. “Or ’cause I bounced her ass? Girl never goes back for seconds anyway. Said so herself, right after we fucked and I told her to getgoin’.”
I rolled over with a groan. “Just shutup.”
Roni had said that to me, too. Told me, many times. Just something she said to save face and act like it didn’t bother her when some guy had brushed her off.Whatever, she’d tell me,I never go back for secondsanyway.
The fact that she’d said it to my brother… after he’d given her his infamous fuck ’n’go?
We already fucked, sweetheart, time for you togo.
How many times had I heard him say that to some chick at the clubhouse when he was done withher?
And now I had it in my head that he’d said that to Roni… after he… at that shittyparty…
I just lay there on the floor staring up at him, fucking hating him for the first time in my life, as he stared down at me, waiting for me to speak or stand the fuckup.
“What?” His eyes narrowed at me again. “Youfucked her?” He laughed a bit. “Youlikeher? You wanna go back for seconds?” He shook his head, like he felt sorry for me. “Sorry, little brother, I don’t think she’s that kind of girl, but hey, knock yourself out. You’lllearn.”
I got to my feet,slowly.
“The fuck does thatmean?”
“It means, I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking, but you can’t have a girl like that around the club and think she’syour girl. She’s a groupie. You’ll never be able to trust her around the club or the band. None of the guys will respect her. She’ll just cheat on yourass—”
I got on my bike and tore out of the garage before I could hear anymore.
I was pissed the fuck off that he’d put his hands on Roni. That he’d fucked her. That he’d used her likethat.
That maybe he’d hurther.
That he thought she was just someslut.
I was fucking destroyed,actually.
But worse… I was pissed because I was afraid he wasright.
Right abouther.
Right about what would happen if I let myself care about her… and think she might bemine.
After that, I didn’t call her. I didn’t see her around, because I made myself busy at the clubhouse and avoided every place she might be, including Dirtyrehearsals.
I thought about her,though.
I thought about how, when I’d left on tour with Dirty, she’d come to see me off. How she’d seemed so bummed that I was leaving. I thought about that goodbye kiss we’d had and how I’d started to believe she really cared about me. I thought about how, while I was away on tour and missing her, I’d spent so much time thinking about how much I cared abouther.
I always did care, really, just denied it to myself because I never really thought she felt that way aboutme.
Then when we came home from the tour and I saw her at Dylan’s party, the way she looked at me… The way she looked at me while we had sex that night… I was so fucking sure the feelings between us weremutual.
But now I knew thetruth.
I was her secondchoice.
I wasalwaysher second choice. The choice she only made because Piper had already fucked her and rejectedher.
I managed to avoid her for exactly a week, until the night of a Dirty show at the BackDoor.
