Page 45 of Dirty Like Jude
At that, he licked his lip. His eyes twitched a little, though I couldn’t tell if he was amused or considering the question. “Safe.How?”
“That thing you said about Taze. Someone younger or someone lesser than you, who looks up to you and makes you feelsecure.”
“Thought you weren’t doing that withTaze.”
“I didn’t say I was. You saidit.”
“No,” he said. “No one likethat.”
“You don’t date women who make you feelpowerful?”
He didn’t answer that for a moment. Then, “No.”
“You date women who make you feel weak?” Ichallenged.
“Not what I said.” He sipped his drink, slowly. “I don’t date women to ‘make’ me feel anything. I date women I want todate.”
I finished the last of my wine, staring athim.
He staredback.
We really hadn’t talked all that much about business, in the end. Over dinner he’d laid out his expectations for me, in terms of security for the New Year’s Eve event. It wasn’t exactly anything earth-shattering. Nothing he couldn’t have filled me in on over a brief phone call. But the entire time, he seemed more focused on me, on staring at me and flirting with me, than anything else. And one bottle of wine in, I was definitely focused onhim.
The fact was, Jude Grayson was the one that gotaway.
That had always beentrue.
Though most days I just didn’t allow myself to think about it. I didn’tdwell.
If I’d ever allowed myself to dwell I would’ve been, frankly, heartbroken, and I didn’t want to live like that, plain andsimple.
So I just. Didn’t. Think. About.It.
Ever.
Until he’d suddenly come back into mylife.
And now that he was in my life again—suddenly fucking everywhere—I hadn’t quite figured out how to deal. I’d had a minor pathetic freak out around Jessa’s meet-the-baby party, but thank God that was over. I just wasn’t yet sure what my next move shouldbe.
Ignoring him wouldn’t work. Not when I was now going to have to see him, repeatedly, in the planning and executing of thisevent.
Fucking Taze also didn’t work. Unfortunately. That had really seemed like a two-birds-with-one-stone situation—get laidandget over Jude—but no suchluck.
So maybe facing him down was the way togo?
Worth a try,right?
“Did I make you feel powerful?” I askedhim.
He didn’tanswer.
“Did I make you feelweak?”
He didn’t answer that either, but he also didn’t break eye contact, even when the waitress came by to ask if we wanted anything else. He ordered us two shots, then when she was gone, he said, “You made me feel a lot ofthings.”
“Likewhat?”
He stared at my mouth. Then his gaze dropped lower again. The way he looked at me, there was no doubt in my mind that he remembered exactly how I felt, how Itasted.
