Page 150 of Dirty Like Jude
Jude took another slow step towardme.
“I know I’ve walked away from you, more than once,” he said. “And that cut you. I meant it to cut you. But like I said, I grew up. I’m here, but you’ve gotta meet me in the fuckin’ middle, V. You’ve gotta step into it. You can’t lie to me. You can’t stand there and act like you don’t need me. Like I’m not the one for you, if that’s what I am. Like you’re never gonna give me a chance to win back yourtrust.”
I knew I’d been doing that. Holding myself back. Withholding mytrust.
But I just didn’t know he knewit.
I’d never lied to myself about my feelings forhim.
But I’d definitely lied tohim.
“I want to be with you,” he said. “I wantyou. I’ve always wanted you. Like you have no idea how fuckin’ much. But I gotta tell you, I would never take anything less than all of you,V.”
Oh my God.Warmth flooded me, hearing thosewords…
I wantyou.
I’ve always wantedyou.
I’d been waiting so long to hear those words out of Jude’s mouth… it was like I’d been waiting my whole damnlife.
It felt like I’d forgotten to breathe for a while, so I sucked in some air. Then I took a tentative step towardhim.
“Okay. So… this is all of me. I do trust you. I trust you with my life,” I told him, and it was the truth. “I guess it’s just my heart I’m a little more preciousabout.”
“Yeah.” He smiled a bit, but it was a sad smile. “I gotthat.”
“And you’ve gotta step into it, too,” I told him. “I want all of you, and then some. I want everything you’ve got and everything you didn’t even know you had to give. I want it all, and I want it now. I’m greedy, and I’m not a patient woman, JudeGrayson.”
“Yeah.” His smile deepened. “I got that,too.”
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting foryou.”
“I know. I’m here, darlin’. I’min.”
I nodded, absorbingthat.
I’min.
Holyshit…
I took another deep breath. I was shaking a little, all over. Still scared, maybe, that he was going to change his mind and push me away—again. “I can learn to trust, Jude. Maybe it just doesn’t come so easily for me or myheart.”
His smile faltered, his eyes softening in a way that made me totally melt. “I’m sorry I brokeit.”
“You did,” I said, and the tears welled up in my eyes so fast I couldn’t stopthem.
He started to reach for me and I knew he was gonna pull me into his arms. But before he could pull me close, I took that final step and wrapped my arms around himinstead.
He hugged me tight as I put my head on his chest. He rested his chin on my head and said, “You broke mine too, V. I know you didn’t mean to, but youdid.”
“I’m sosorry.”
“No sense bein’ sorry for something that was never yourfault.”
“I should’ve seen it sooner,” I said, shaking myhead.
“Seenwhat?”
