Page 40 of Dirty Like Seth
I was definitely happy with my life, except for that one thing that wasmissing.
That incredibly crucialthing.
And I wondered, was Seth lonely, likeme?
He didn’tseemlonely. Not like he had when I first met him… years ago, when he was living more or less on the street and couch-surfing, selling pot, with little more than the guitar on his back. He still had a rare, cool kind of confidence, just like he’d had back then, despite all he’d been through. But now, he seemed more like a man who’d grown into his own skin, who was deeply comfortable with who and what hewas.
But nobody would think I was lonely,either.
From the outside, I probably looked like I had the perfect life. Like I had it all figured out and thensome.
Yet Seth had straight-up asked me if I was lonely. It was one of the very first things he’d askedme.
I just didn’t know why he’d thinkthat.
People were always swarming around me. All day, they were in my space, in my face, even touching me… but yes… at the end of the day, I wasalone.
Even when I was messing around with Ash, I went to bedalone.
Sure, if I asked him to, Ash would probably hop on a plane right now to fly out here and put his dick in me. He’d probably even hold me afterward if I wanted him to. But that wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as beingwithsomeone.
Or being inlove…
Because even when Ash was in my bed, in my body—especiallythen—I still feltalone.
Chapter Ten
Elle
Iemergedfrom my room sometime in the early afternoon, feeling refreshed; I’d finally fallen asleep mid-morning and slept like the dead. The house was empty, but I found Joanie out on the shaded front deck, juggling her laptop and her phone. As of right now, I actually felt like I was on vacation, but technically, she wasn’t. Clearing my schedule meant Joanie’s was extrafull.
I brought a plate of lunch out to her; she said she hadn’t had any yet, but Seth had left a salad he’d made in the fridge—topped with grilled chicken breast, local papaya and strawberry guava dressing. Apparently the man was handy in akitchen.
Whoknew.
I took my own lunch out into the back yard, alone, feeling something I hadn’t felt much lately: happy to be right where Iwas.
Joyful,even.
I put on some bright, sunshiny, sexy music. First song up: “Feels” by Calvin Harris, with Pharrell Williams and Katy Perry. Pop and electronic music had become necessary switch-ups for me, to reset and recharge, when rocking my ass off with Dirty had depleted me. Which was why my solo album had been heavily electronic, a mix of electronic rock and straight-up dance tunes. Groove-heavy, bass-driven songs written by me, my girlfriend Summer—who was a fucking killer DJ—and Woo, who’d produced thealbum.
And I had to admit, ever since Ash had serenaded me with a Calvin Harris song—the night we first hooked up—I’d become hooked on Calvin Harris’s music. Not because it reminded me of Ash. Because it reminded me of letting go, of moving forward; of better times tocome.
After I ate, I reclined on one of the long lounge chairs on the patio in my bikini, still feeling a little tired. It was my favorite bikini, my sexiest bikini, the one I wore when I wanted to catch some sunandfeel good about myself. I wouldn’t have worn it if Seth or Flynn were here—it was that sexy. But Joanie said Seth had gone shopping, and I knew Flynn would keep himself scarce until he was needed, which meant neither of them would be subjected to my near-nakedness in my custom-made cream crochet bikini. Myunlinedcrochetbikini.
Not only was it skimpy, it had holes in it. The breeze went right through it. If you had the balls to look really, really closely, you could see my nipples through it… among other things. I always made sure I wascompletelyshaved before putting iton.
Kinda felt like being naked, without actually beingnaked.
In fact… it felt kinda like a waste that no one was here to see me in it. On further consideration, it was really more of a bikini you wore to catch some sun, feel good about yourselfandshow off for aman.
So I did the next best thing. I took a hot selfie and sent it to my most incredibly-supportive girlfriend, one who always appreciated sexting, even if it only came fromme.
Summer:Hawt!!!!!
Me:Kauaibaby!
Summer:Hope you brought a man withyou.
