Page 120 of Dirty Like Seth
It didn’t takelong.
Within minutes we were naked inbed.
But once he was on top of me and I was more than ready to take him, he broke away, panting. “I heard what happened at the church. The guys… I know it didn’t go well,Elle.”
“It didn’t,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t mean it’sover.”
“Elle,” he said softly but forcefully, “it’sover.”
“No. I’m gonna talk to the guys again, Ipromise.”
He started to roll away, and I clutched at him, at his waist, his arm, trying to keep him here, with me. Panic shot through me. “I mean it, Seth. I’m going to bat for you, and to hell with them if they don’t like it. They need to hear me out on this.” My voice got kind of squeaky and desperate at the end, and I realized I sounded more desperate to believe it thananything.
I was trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convincehim.
“Elle,” he said evenly, “I can’t let you do that.” He wasn’t even looking at me; he’d turned his back onme.
“Why not?” I got up on my knees and kissed the back of his neck. I tried to wrap my arms around him, but he pulled away and got out ofbed.
The next thing I knew, he was getting dressed, pulling on hisjeans.
“Where are you going? You’re not staying?” The panic rolled over into full-ondread.
“Elle,” he said again. “I can’t.” I watched him pull on his T-shirt. He stood there, fully dressed, and just looked atme.
“Why don’t you want me to talk to them?” I was getting mad, a twisted manifestation of the fear that was coursing through me. “It’s what you came back for, right? The band?” It sounded cold and bitchy, and yes, twisted with bitterness and desperation. “The documentary series? Photo shoots with me on the beach? You want your old life back, and I’m just the girl to help you get it,right?”
I wanted him to refuteit.
Ineededhim to refuteit.
And he did, with a shake of his head. “It’s not about the band,” he said softly, his voice low and rough, but he didn’t sound angry with me. “I don’t need Dirty to tell me I’m worthy as a musician. I know what I can do with a guitar. At this point… it’s about redemption.” He clawed his hands through his hair. “Maybe it’s always been about that. And maybe that’s just not something I’m ever gonnaget.”
“Seth—”
“I’m going back to the hotel. I think I should step away for a while. Step back. Give you all somespace.”
“Space? I don’t need any fuckingspace.”
Something like anger, but more desperate, more frightening—more fuckingfrightened—sparked in his eyes. “Maggie said you almostfaintedat the churchtoday.”
Maggie? He talked to Maggietoday?
“So? So…what?” Isputtered.
“She said youthrew up,Elle.”
“So? So that’s all you wanted, all this time?Redemption? The band’s fuckingforgiveness?”
He looked straight in my eyes when he growled, “Fuck theband.”
And somethinghappened…
Like a fuse lit inside me. He didn’t even want the band anymore—not as much as he wanted me. I knew it in the way he looked atme.
I got out of bed and rushed to him. I pressed myself against him, naked, and whispered, “Say thatagain.”
“Fuck the band,” he said, his eyes going up in smoke as they burned down onme.
