Page 107 of Dirty Like Seth
“I don’t know… I just don’t know. It’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m already so stressed out about it. I don’t like hiding shit from the guys and lying tothem.”
“You’re not lying. You just haven’t told them you’re making music with Seth or that you’re sleeping with him. And really, how much of that is their business?” I could feel her coming around, wanting to protect me now, defend me. But it only made me feelworse.
The tears wobbled in my eyes, threatening to fall, and I swiped them away. “They have a right to know what I’m doing, musically. They would tell me what they’redoing.”
“So tellthem.”
“Ican’t.”
“Have you talked to Jesse? If things are that bad between you, maybe youshould—”
“They’re really not,” I said. “It’s not even about me andhim.”
“Okay…” Summer said, processing everything. “So then… are you really worried about hurting Dirty? Or hurtingSeth?”
I didn’t even want to answer that. The truth was, I was afraid I was going to hurt them both, and I fucking hatedit.
“I know he wants Dirty back,” I said. “He won’t even admit to me how much he wants it, because I know he’s afraid he’ll never have it. He pretends like he’s okay with it, but I know he’snot.”
“Maybe he feels the same way aboutyou.”
“Oh, God. I have to sit down.” I sank onto thebed.
Summer came to sit beside me. We were in one of her spare bedrooms, where some of her party guests would probably crash tonight. Maybe Ash would sleep here tonight, and if so, he probably wouldn’t be alone. And it didn’t even bother me—atall.
The thought of Seth, though, hooking up with someone else… it killedme.
I could not even imagine letting him go. Losing him from my life again. Not knowing where he was or what he was doing. Not knowinghim.
The sad truth was that getting to know him, again, had made me happier than I’d felt in almost twoyears.
“He’s a good guy, Elle,” Summer said. “I’ve always known that about Seth. But good isn’t good enough,alright?”
I looked ather.
“You’re solid gold, babe,” she said. “Platinum. And I’ve seen you put up with a lot of second-rate shit. If Seth really wants you, no matter what happens with the band, he better put his back intoit.”
I smiled at the term. “You sound like thatsong.”
“I always sound like a song,” she said, tossing an arm around me. “Elle, sweetie. It’s simple. All you need is a man who wants to beyourman, and wants it hard. Not a man who wants you to be something you’re not. Not a man who wants you hanging on the line, adoring him, for his own shits and giggles. You need a man who wants to be Elle’s man, period. Who’ll do whatever it takes to be your man. No more games. No more bullshit. It’s time for the realdeal.”
“Iknow.”
“So maybe you need to ask yourself if Seth Brothers is that man. And if he’s really worth losing your bandover.”
“He’s not,” I told her. “No one’s worththat.”
But there was a tiny kernel of doubt, a little root unfurling and taking hold deep inside of me… that maybe I was wrong aboutthat.
“Fuck,” I said, folding forward over myknees.
“Yeah,” she agreed, rubbing my back in sympathetic circles. “I guess that’s aboutit.”
* * *
After Summer left,I stayed back in the bedroom by myself. I no longer felt like socializing—at all. What was I even thinking, coming to a partytonight?
I was considering texting Seth and Flynn and asking them to take me home, when Seth slipped into theroom.
