Page 106 of Dirty Like Seth
“No,but—”
“Ash is wounded, youknow.”
And that’s when it really got through to me. That Ash really wasn’tpissed.
He washurt.
“I just… I didn’t realize his feelings for me were so… serious,” I said. It was lame. I knew that once the words were out of my mouth. But I really didn’t realize. “I’ll do what I can to soften the blow, okay? Maybe I wasn’t all that… sympathetic. I mean, I know what rejection feels like. I just have a really hard time believingAshfeels that way aboutme.”
“Maybe you just don’t want to believe it,” Summersaid.
I crossed my arms, mirroring her stance. But she was right,maybe.
“I know you don’t want to hurt anyone—much less a friend—that way,” she said. “And he might be all prickly on the surface with all the piercings and the ink and the smoldering eyes, but trust me, Ashley hasfeelings.”
Oh, God. Thissucked.
I never meant to hurt Ash. He was never supposed to actuallyfallforme.
Where did Ashley Player get off falling forme?
“Okay,” I said. “I get it. He has feelings, and I hurt them. I’ll kiss his wounds and make it better. I didn’t mean to hurthim.”
“Okay. Great. Now what aboutDirty?”
“What about Dirty?” I firedback.
“Elle. You can’t possibly have missed the fact that you’re hurting your band. Dylan.Jesse—”
“Yeah. God forbid I hurt Jesse,” I said, exasperated. “What the fuck does Jesse have to do withthis?”
She held her manicured hands up in surrender. “Hey, don’t shit on the messenger, okay? All I’m saying is… they love you. They need you. And you’re kinda shutting them out. Just like you did with Ash. Leaving them all in limbo, worried if they’re gonna loseyou.”
“What? Who saidthat?”
“Dylan. That’s what he said to Ash, and Ash toldme.”
Fuck.
Notgood.
I did not want to leave them all worried about that. Of all things… I was not planning to leaveDirty.
“I just… I don’t know,” I told her, shaking my head. I did not know how to deal with all of this. Seth. The band. Brody. Ash. “I just don’t know how to talk to them. Theyhatehim, and I don’t know how to make them see thetruth.”
“What is thetruth?”
“That he’s… he’s not what theythink.”
I felt the tears flooding my eyes, and Summer saw them. She looked a little stunned, actually, her blue eyes widening. I rarely cried, and I’d never broken down in tears over a man in her presence… other than when Jesse broke up withme.
“Your hair looks amazing, by the way,” I offered with asniffle.
“Elle…”
“It feels like I’m splitting right down the middle,” I told her. “Me on one side, with Seth, but no one knows I’m with him, and if they knew… God, I can’t even imagine it. Jesse on the other side with Brody, and Jessa… I don’t even know. She’s probably caught somewhere in the middle, if you ask her, but the guys have her firmly shoved behind them like a wall of stubborn. Dylan’s in the middle for sure… or maybe somewhere on my side. I mean, he’s usually on my side, but I don’t know. I haven’t even talked to him about it yet. He’s gonna hate it, for sure, because he’ll feel caught in the middle. And then there’s Zane, somewhere out in left field. You never know what the fuck that guy’s gonna say or do. He could say he wants Seth back right now, but I don’t know if that’s because he really wants Seth or he just wants to be a thorn up Jesse’sass.”
“You really think Zane would do that? When it comes to something as important as theband?”
