Page 129 of Dirty Like Seth
“What if he doesn’t comearound?”
“He’ll come around,” Jesse said. “Ultimately, this is our decision. The four of us. We decide, we tell Brody how it’s gonnabe.”
Yeah. I knewthat.
I did not love that it was gonna come down on Brody that way, but after what happened tonight… after he’d seen Jessa and Seth together—arm-in-arm, for Christ’s sake—and heard the things they’d said about each other… the mutual forgiveness they’d found… he had to know that it was time for him to come around. Bury the hatchet, even if he himself wasn’t completely ready toforgive.
If the four of us, and Jessa, could accept Seth back into the band, Brody would have to, too. No matter how difficult it might be forhim.
Jesse took a step closer to me and drew me in for a brief hug. When we pulled apart, he said, “I’ll talk to Seth, too. We need to put some time in. Get to know each otheragain.”
“He’d like that,” I said, because I was sure hewould.
When there seemed nothing left to say, Jesse just said, “I’ll see you later,” and turned to leave. Halfway up the aisle, he stopped and looked back at me. “Seth,huh?”
“Yeah,” I said, feeling kind of aglow myself. “Seth.”
“I hope you’re happy,Elle.”
“Iam.”
“You know… you could’ve toldme.”
“Told youwhat?”
“About Seth.” He shrugged, kinda uncomfortably. “You could’ve talked to me aboutit.”
“Right. Like when you came to me and told me all aboutKatie?”
That seemed to trip him up. “I didn’t know you wanted meto.”
“I didn’t. And even if I did, what would you havesaid?”
“Well—”
“You would’ve told me you were in love with her and it was none of my fuckingbusiness.”
He crossed his arms. “Okay. I may have said something to thateffect.”
“Yeah.”
He considered for a moment. “And you’re sure… You’re sure he’sclean?”
“I’m sure. I would never have asked you guys to take him backif—”
“Yeah,” he said. “We know that. But you know…” He trailed off, like he was looking for the right words. “Because he’s clean now… doesn’t mean he’s always gonna be,Elle.”
“Yeah. I know that,too.”
I didknow.
I’d gone so far as to make a desperate phone call, late last night, to Rudy Baker, the legendary blues musician and recovered alcoholic who’d been a longtime friend of Dirty’s—and Zane’s AA sponsor. I wasn’t exactly an expert on addiction, and Rudy was the closet thing to that that I knew of; a man whose addiction had almost killed him, but who now had over thirty years of sobriety under his belt, and still toured, still lived his life in and out of bars, playing shows and partying without falling off the wagon. I’d left that conversation with far more questions than answers, but Rudy and I had made plans to meet up for coffee as soon as I was back inL.A..
He’d told me upfront that he wasn’t all that well-versed in drug addiction, that it was a different animal altogether than alcohol addiction. But one thing both had in common: the addict’s ability to stay clean depended almost entirely on their motivation to doso.
I knew Seth had huge motivation. Now, maybe more than ever. He was about to have Dirty back. And he hadme.
Soon, he’d have ababy.
