Page 114 of Dirty Like Seth
I looked away before she’d see me watching, and went to sit on the curb by the studio door. Maggie drove away, and Zane headed back toward thestudio.
When he saw me sitting here, hestopped.
He looked at me for a long moment as I drank my coffee. Maybe wondering how much of that exchange I’dwitnessed.
Then he came over to sit beside me on the curb. He pulled out a joint and startedsmoking.
“Before you go thinking I’m an asshole for whatever you just saw,” he said, “I married her. Last year, in Vegas.” I would’ve assumed he was fucking kidding me, but his cool blue eyes were dead serious. “No one knows about that,though.”
“And that makes you less of an asshole?” Isaid.
Zane burst outlaughing.
He took a few more drags of his joint in silence, then tossed it in the gutter and stood to head inside. I stood with him. He eyed me, once. He didn’t say anything else on the subject of his marriage—but I knew why he’d just told me what hedid.
He wasn’t confiding in me because he trusted me, exactly. He was confiding in me to testme.
Which was fine withme.
I wasn’t about to go telling anyone thatshit.
* * *
IfollowedZane back into the studio. Cody was still out, and whatever Elle and Dylan were talking about while we were gone, they went silent when we walkedin.
The four of us looked at each other and I was pretty fucking sure we were all hearing Maggie’s words in our heads. Seeing thatYou-all-just-fucked-uplook on herface.
We all knew we were fucking guilty as charged: somehow, without meaning to, we’d basically reunited Dirty and were starting to cut an album—without Jesse, Jessa or Brody. Behind all theirbacks.
“Maggie’s right.” Zane voiced it first. “We gotta take this to Jesse andBrody.”
“And Jessa,” Ellesaid.
“And Jessa,” Zane repeated, looking straight atme.
I nodded. If they were willing, I was onboard.
Having three members of Dirty in a room with me, making music, and not hating me? It was more than I’d dared hope for these last few weeks. If I had any chance at all of Dirty talking about me in a conversation that didn’t involve plotting my death, I’d take it. Whatever came of it, I’d takeit.
Even if it was just a fuckingtruce.
“How do you think they’ll take this?” Dylanasked.
“Who the fuck knows,” Zane said. “But we’ve got four people here. Jesse’s gonna have a hard time arguingthat.”
“Maybe it’ll bring us together,” Elle said, but there wasn’t much hope behind it, maybe just a littlesarcasm.
“Or tear us the fuck apart,” Dylansaid.
In the silence that followed, I found my voice. “You guys don’t have to do this. We can all walk away, right now. Elle and I can do our thing, alone, or we can give that up, too. I’ll do whatever shewants.”
And with those words, the guys both looked at me,hard.
Then they looked atElle.
I’d pretty much just admitted my feelings for her. I was pretty fucking sure they could hear it in mywords.
Elle looked only at Zane. “Do you want Seth back in the band?” she asked him, point-blank.
