Page 43 of Dirty Like Brody
“I did. That day in my truck, in the rain. I told you.” My voice got quiet as I remembered, but I kept looking her in the eye. I wasn’t running from this shit anymore. “I told you I’d loved youforever.”
She hugged herself. “I mean… you kind of said somethingabout—”
“Kind of? How does someone ‘kind of’ pour their heart out to you? I begged you not to leave, and you leftanyway.”
“Because Ihadto!”
“Why?” I took a step closer, as close as I could get without falling in the tub. “Tell me why the fuck youhadto.”
Jessa slumped into the water with a splash and didn’t look at me again. “I didn’t know you were in love with me,” she said, “and it’s not my fault ifyouwere.”
I stared at her, but she didn’t say another word.For fuck’s sake.That’s all she hadtosay?
“Yell if you’re gonna drown or something,” I bit out, slamming the door as I left the room… before I drownedusboth.
ChapterTen
Jessa
My brother didn’t mess around. Assoon as I told him I’d be staying in Vancouver after the wedding, I saw the musical gears turning in his head. Not that I’d decided to stay for musical reasons, but it was a little flattering how quickly he set out towoome.
Yes, I’d planned to leave right after the wedding, but that was before Brody decided to dry-hump me within an inch of anorgasm.
I’d made my decision at brunch the morning after. When I’d walked into the lodge, hungover, just hoping to fade into the background and maybe force down some French toast without barfing, I instead found Brody and Amanda gone and everyone else staring at me as my brother raised a toast to me. He then announced, in front of everyone, that he and Katie had decided to postpone their honeymoon so he could stay in town and spend some time with his sister. “And just maybe,” he’d added casually, “we’ll write some musictogether.”
To which everyone went nuts withexcitement.
Yeah. Nopressure.
I’d looked around at all those hopeful and expectant faces and told my brother, in front of everyone, that I could stay for ten days. After that, I had a photo shoot in L.A. I was committed to. And while I loved my brother, the truth was that I was only partly stayingforhim.
The other part was because I just couldn’t leave things the way they were with Brody—which was all kinds offuckedup.
My memories of that night were… unclear. But I remembered enough. I remembered rubbing myself off on the stiff package in his jeans, ready to blow up like a load of fireworks dropped in a volcano. And I remembered what he said to me, too. About me breaking hisheart.
I also remembered, more or less, how I’d handled that information, and it was pretty cringe-worthy.
Did I really throw Christy Rempel inhisface?
What was I, fifteenyearsold?
So yes, I was staying, because I had to talk to him. I had no idea how I was going to do it, to work up the courage to start that conversation, though. TheI know that you know that I’ve fucked up, but here’s what you don’t knowconversation.
Hardest conversation I’d ever havetohave.
Luckily I had ten days to figure it out, and by the looks of things I could easily fill those ten days with musical distraction. Because apparently my brother was planning to make full use of those ten days—and every available tool in his arsenal to persuade me to write some music withtheband.
The night after the wedding, as I arrived back in Vancouver with Roni and got settled into the guest bedroom of her condo, Jesse sent an incredible acoustic guitar over for me to play on: a brand new Gibson Hummingbird Vintage, which was kind of a monster. A powerhouse of an acoustic, it was probably too much guitar for me—and not like my brother didn’t know it. Clearly, it was something for me togrowinto.
Something for me to write newmusicon.
The next morning, he sent Maggie over with a car to drive me out to Dirty’s new rehearsal space for a little jam session with himandZane.
Cool,right?
Especially when the new rehearsal space turned out to be an old church outside of town. When my brother mentioned “going to church,” I just thought he was being cute, referring to the religious nature of his passion formusic.
Apparentlynot.
