Page 127 of Dirty Like Brody
Well halle-fucking-lujah.
“Then why did you leave?” I asked hersoftly.
Her shoulders dropped and she exhaled a deep breath. “Are you ever going to forget about the past? Just letitgo?”
“Are you?” I stared her down, letting her absorb that. “When are you ever gonna let me in? I’m not the enemy,Jessa.”
She nodded a little, but looked away. When she looked back, there was pain in her brown eyes. “You said you’d neverhurtme.”
I reached for her, slipping my hands around the back of her head and drawing her in close. “When did I hurt you?” I asked her, holding her in my hands like she was precious, because she was. “Tell me when, so I canfixit.”
She sniffed a bit, resisting the tears that were coming, fast. “You said you were donewithme.”
“Yeah,” I said, stroking my thumb back and forth across her cheek. “Obviously I was wrong.” I held her gaze for a long moment, letting her feel those words. Wanting to erase whatever hurt I’d caused. Then I leaned in tokissher.
“You let me go,” she blurted, just as my lipstouchedhers.
I drew back and lookedather.
“Back then…” She sniffed again. “I ran. I know. But you let me.” She closed her eyes and the tears spilled down her face. “You let me go,” she repeated. “You didn’t fightforme.”
“What?”
“I know you asked me to stay. Many times. And I know it’s totally irrational of me… but there’s some small, stubborn part of me that still hurts because you didn’t come after me. You didn’t tear apart heaven and Earth to get me back. And I need to know… I need to know that there isn’t some small part of you that won’t fight for me in the future, if things gettough.”
I pulled her against me, holding her tight. She buried her face in mychest.
“Jessa…” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “I never wanted you to go. I wanted you to stay. I just… I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you…fuck… I don’t even know anymore. It just seemed like every time I tried to fight, I just pushed you further away. And I didn’t want to lose you.” My voice broke and I nuzzled into her hair as I held her tighter. “I lost youanyway.”
“You didn’t lose me, Brody,” she whispered. “I was alwaysyours.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jessa
We spentthe night making love, until we couldn’t anymore. Until we were too tired, too sore, too spent, and we passed out in eachother’sarms.
In the morning, I woke to Brody moving between my legs. I wrapped myself around him and we made love again, slowly, as the suncameup.
He went to take a shower while I lazed in bed, and eventually I got up. I stretched, leisurely, sore in all thebestways.
I’d wanted to bind myself to Brody last night and never let go. I’d felt warm and safe and loved in his arms, his body pinning mine, possessing me; his hands, his weight, his tongue… his cock… all of him. His body told me without words that I was his, that we were together, that he loved me, wanted me, cherished me. That he would alwaysprotectme.
That he would never even think ofleavingme.
In the cold morning light, without his arms around me, I felt… awful. His words from last night kept replaying in my head, and I knew he wasright.
I was the one who couldn’tletgo.
I’d been blaming myself, for years, for everything that happened.Everything.
Withhim.
WithSeth.
Even withmydad.
I’d blamed myself, when I’d forgiven all of them. I’d forgiven Brody for letting me go when I ran away, even though it wasn’t easy. I’d forgiven Seth. I’d even forgiven my dad for leaving, for doing that awful thing to himself that he did and leaving me behind to deal with it. That definitely wasn’t easy, but Ididit.
