Page 93 of Dirty Like Brody
“Jessa, please listen to me,” she said softly, before I could say anything else. “I know you lost your parents, young, and I know there was pain. A lot of it. We all saw it. You think you hide that stuff and you are good at hiding, hon, I’ll give you that. Behind that pretty face of yours, it’s hard to know what’s really going on. But believe me, I’ve seen the worst there is, and it is not pretty. It might’ve once been pretty, but that pretty goes fast. My dad was more or less an addict, you know? I mean, I never really thought of him as one, but he put his party life over me and my mom, so what else would you call it? He’s pushing sixty and he’s still high every time I see him. God only knows how he’s made it this long with whatever shit is in his veins. But that’s the glamorous life, you know? He’s rich, he’s got a new young babe on his arm every other month, and he likes his drugs. Whatever. It’s ridiculous the shit he gets away with. I’ve seen what drugs canreallydo. You know I volunteer at a women’s shelter? I have foryears.”
“Yeah.Iknow.”
“Well, those are the ones who’ve fallen through the cracks. They didn’t end up with the glamorous life. I’ve met women who’ve lost teeth to meth addictions and men’s fists, who’ve lost everything, and worst of all their self-esteem, their self-worth, their self-preservation. They’ve lostthemselves. Believe me when I say, I’ve known lost women. What I see when I look at you is not a lost woman. I see a woman who found a way back to herself, long before it was too late. Don’t give uponthat.”
“Thanks, Maggie,” I managed, tearing up. “But would you understand what I mean if I say that sometimes I think I’m not hard enough onmyself?”
“Fuck that,” Maggie said. “As your friend, I’m here to tell you it’s okay to let yourself off the hook for whatever’s happened in the past. And I’ll tell you something else that may be a revelation to someone like you. I know it is to a lot of women who walk into the shelter.” She leaned in and said, “It’s okay to askforhelp.”
“Yeah,” I said, starting to really get that concept. Especially when I saw all the strength and compassion in Maggie’s pretty gray eyes. “I know we’re the same age, but you know, I’ve always kind of looked uptoyou?”
“Shit. What kind of drugs did you say you did again?” She grinned and sippedherwine.
“I didn’t say. And I’m serious. I’ve always admired you. You’re tough as shit, but you’ve always kept your sweetness, you know? Like you come strutting into a room in your high heels, all five-foot-nothing of you, and start kicking butt and taking names, and all the guys just melt. They’re useless globs of putty in your manicured hands. Even Zane, and that’s saying something, believe me. You just always seem to have it all figured out. You have this amazing, perfect life you’ve built for yourself that’s just soyou, and Ienvythat.”
Maggie just stared at me, her eyebrows going up… way up. “Perfectlife?”
“Yeah. You know. You’ve got the band. You kick ass at your job, and you’ve got the work you do at the shelter, too. You rock all of it. You help people. You help me. And, you know, you’ve always been an incredible friend to me, and shared with me, let me in, and Ihaven’teven—”
“I married Zane in Vegas,” sheblurted.
I froze,stunned.
“You…what?”
“Oh, for the love of Christ,” she gushed. “That felt so fucking good to just say it out loud to someone. Pass methatwine?”
I passed her the bottle and stared at her in disbelief, my mouth gaping open as she tookaswig.
“You… How? When?Why?” Istammered.
“Exactly.” She sighed. “You see, Jessa, we all do stupid shit we’re not proud of. Perfection is an illusion. Even beauty is kind of an illusion. And that’s what you are when you model. An illusion. But here’s the thing: you’re a real person. You deserve a real life. So go out there and live it already, and stop worrying what everyone else thinks. You don’t need to be perfect or even beautiful all the time. Just love yourself and the rest of it will figureitselfout.”
Yeah, that was some kick-ass Maggie advice, but I was kinda stuck on that other thingshesaid…
“You…marriedZane?”
“Yeah.”
“Zane.”
She rolled her eyes and took another swig ofwine. “Yeah.”
“Zane.”
“Yes.”
“And then… you got adivorce?”
“Nope.”
“No?”
“No.”
“As in… youaremarried to him?Rightnow?”
“Technically…yes.”
