Page 55 of Dirty Like Brody
“I know,” I said, hiccuping a little. I’d been doing so much yelling and trying so hard not to burst into tears, I was getting aheadache.
“I know you’re not ready for this,” he said, sifting his fingers into my hair, gently gripping my neck, sending shivers down my spine and making me wonder what, exactly,thiswas… and really, really wanting to know. Wanting him toshowme.
Then he drew me closer, until our lips touched again, gently this time… I breathed in his clean, manly smell, like leather and the wind off a green field on a warm summer day, and heat tore through my body like wildfire. He breathed softly against my face and whispered, “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you ’til you’reready.”
Maybe some girls would’ve been thrilled to hear that. Swept up in the romantic implications of it.Swoony.
I justfeltsick.
“You can’t wait for me,” I protested, and hefrowned.
“Why thefucknot?”
“Didn’t you ever seeLegends of the Fall?” I sniffled. “You know, when the girl tells Brad Pitt she’ll wait for himforever?”
“So?”
“So… forever is too long, so she ends up marrying his brother and then blowing herheadoff.”
“Jesus,” he muttered, his thumb skimming over my cheek. “That sounds depressing as fuck,Jessa.”
I shrugged and tried to smile. “Sorry for thespoiler.”
“No worries. I’m never watching that shit. And I’m not blowing my head off either, you want me or not. I promiseyouthat.”
Then we both realized what he’d said; whatI’dsaid. I knew it by the look on his face, at the same moment it hit me. My dad hadn’t shot himself. But suicide wasn’t exactly a vague romantic concept in myworld.
“Jessa.” Brody moved closer, pulling me against him so his body was flush against mine, big, strong, and warm against the night. “I’m not gonna do that shit and neither are you,” he said softly, “no matter what happens in our lives. Stop brooding on that nasty shit or it’s gonna eat up all the good and the sweet in you, and princess, there’s a whole lot of good and sweet. So juststop. No one’s gonna die here, yeah? People don’t have to die just because they care about eachother.”
I gave up the fight and started crying, the tears flowing openly down my cheeks. “Either way,” I told him, “I don’t want you waiting on me. I can’t handle that kind of pressure,Brody.”
“Jesus, babe, get your shit together,” he said, but the words were soft, almost a whisper, and he held me tight, kissing the tears from my cheeks. “Nothing’s gonna happen to me just ’cause youloveme.”
I sucked in air and held mybreath.
Because Ilovedhim?
BrodyknewIlovedhim?
I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed orrelieved.
He sighed, resting his forehead against mine. “How about I wait for you for a year, and then we’ll see whathappens.”
I exhaled shakily and nodded a little, because I couldn’tspeak.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I said, not even fully understanding what exactly I was agreeing to, just knowing that I wanted it. I wanted him,sobad.
Ialwayshad.
“Good. Now get your ass onmybike.”
He took off his leather jacket and put it on me. Then he pulled me through the misting rain and drove me home, and I thought I knew what was going to happen. I saw my whole life rolled out ahead of me as the pavement whipped past and the white lines blurred into each other on that highway, my arms wrapped tight around Brody’swaist.
My brother and his band were going to be superstars. When I got brave enough, I’d show them the lyrics I’d been writing, and they’d put them in theirsongs.
When I got really brave, I’d kiss Brodyagain.
