Page 123 of Dirty Like Brody
But I could givehersome.
She’d told me she loved me. Repeatedly. So yeah, in truth, I’d tear down the fucking moon and give it to her if I thought that was what sheneeded.
Eventually, maybe whatever was bothering her would fade. Maybe she’d feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it. Maybe with my support she could deal with it, or let it go, or whatever she needed to do to walk back in hereagain.
Seth wasn’t here every day anyway, but he’d been to a few sessions. I’d sat in so I could gauge the vibe, and it was good. Really good. I could tell everyone had their guard up, but the fact was, Seth fit into the mix just like he always had. Like he did from the very first day Zane dragged him home to jam at nineteen… to the day we had to kick him out because he’d gone so far off the rails with his drugaddiction.
By that time, he was shooting heroin, and lots of it, acting totally erratically and completely falling the fuckapart.
But thatwasthen.
Right now, he showed no signs of that fucked up-junkie. He was just Seth Brothers, brilliant guitarist… cool, somewhat mysterious, and likable as all hell. A man born to be arockstar.
We’d just had a particularly incredible day. Maggie had brought food by and the band had been here for ten hours. Seth had just left, and just the band and Jude and I remained. Jude locked the doors and I headed up to the stage where everyone was sitting around. I could feel the excitement, the exhaustion and giddiness, dampened only slightly by that ever-presentcaution.
I knew what they were thinking. It wasn’t like we hadn’t all been thinking it for awhilenow.
“I think we should bring him in, formally,” Zane said, straight-up. “So he knows we’re all taking this shit seriously. We’re taking him seriously, and we give him a real chance. Do up a couple of songs for the album, see how itfeels.”
“He’s clean?” Dylan asked. “Forreal?”
“So he says,” Zane said. “Sure looks that waytome.”
“When I had dinner with him, he seemed clean,” I told them. “And he definitely wants tocomeback.”
They all looked to me. I knew my opinion held a lot of weight, and I took that shit seriously. I wanted to be honest but fair. To Seth. But mostly, totheband.
I knew they were worried about trusting him again. Weallwere.
“You think we should do it?” Jesse asked me. “Ask him tocomeback?”
“Seth never had a talent problem. And he’s as good now as he ever was. Better,I’dsay.”
“Yeah, he’s way the fuck better,” Jesse agreed. “Which is saying a lot. Can’t say I wouldn’t love a really strong guitarist to join the lineup. And what he brings in writing… damn, that’d besweet.”
“You sure you wanna share the spotlight?” Zane asked with a grin. “Got room onstage for two of you cocky guitaristpricks?”
“There’s room for your inflated ego, we’ll fucking manage,” Jessereplied.
“I’ll admit,” I told them, “I would’ve loved to see Jessa in the role. I think she’s a great fit. She’s family, and she’s got this thing… would’ve been killer to see where we could take it. But second to that, if we can work with Seth, it would make for a hell of a tenth anniversary. If we can keep Jessa in the mix too, writing, we’ve got itfuckingmade.”
“Yeah,” Elle said, “we don’t want to lose Jessa.” She gave me a loaded look. “So whatever we can do to keep her around, we should bedoingit.”
Messagereceived.
“I’ll work on it,” I said, sounding confident. “She’s not going anywhere.” I hoped like fuck I could deliver on thosewords.
“We’re not losing Jessa,” her brother said, also giving mealook.
“So what happens if we invite Seth back, and he goes off the rails?” Dylanasked.
“We front-load all that shit into his contract,” I said. “He’s off the wagon, he’s out. We’ve been down that road with him, not doing it again. But you’ve all gotta agree this is what you want. Maybe give him a few more sessions, feelitout.”
“I’m good with Seth,” Zane said. “He was a huge asset to this band, and it was fucking beautiful for a while, before it went south. It fucking sucked when he left. Personally, I’ve missedtheguy.”
“We all know no one’s ever been able to take his place,” Elle said. “And to be honest, I don’t know if Jessa would. It would’ve been great, but it would’ve been different. Seth’s a better guitarist by miles. We all know that, too. He has an edge Jessa doesn’t have, and it would be cool to see what happens. With both of them. And we all know Seth’s a good guy, without thedrugs.”
“We’ve never known him without the drugs,” Dylan said, and that was a cold, harsh reality that we all had toswallow.
