Page 128 of Dirty Like Me
“He couldn’t handle it?”
“Well, it’s fair to say Seth was already headed off the rails before the band made it big.” He glanced over at me. “Drugs. But Zane almost went that way, too. In his case it was booze. He went to rehab though and stuck it out. Hasn’t drank a drop in six years, but I can’t say that’s been easy on him, living the life he lives.”
“I had no idea.” My Google searches had centered so much on Jesse that I’d neglected to stalk the other band members for gossip. Definite oversight. Surely there must’ve been a lot of it over the years, and Brody was right—none of that could’ve been easy on them. Not if they were good people, like I knew Jesse was.
“They’ve all had their struggles with fame,” Brody went on. “Maybe not as serious as all that, but… I can’t say it’s been easy on Jesse. Being on the road so much, away from family.”
“Family. You mean his sister?”
Brody got quiet. For a long, long moment I wondered if I’d said something out of line.
“Jesse mentioned…” I said, but I didn’t know quite where to go with that. Brody looked at me again, but whatever he was thinking behind those deep blue eyes, he wasn’t sharing. “He mentioned he’s worried about her. And I got the feeling it’s been that way a while.”
Finally, Brody said, “Jesse’s had a lot of loss in his life, Katie. Both of his parents gone when he was young, never got to see what he’d make of himself. That still hurts, I’m sure, but Jesse’s not one to talk about his pain. He writes music, gets it out that way. Which is maybe why writing with his sister is so important to him. It’s a bonding thing. A chance to get to know her better.”
I stared at him. “Jesse writes music with his sister?”
Brody glanced over at me. “She’s a fantastic lyricist. She co-wrote most of the songs on Sunday Morning.”
Okay. Totally new information. “How long have they been writing together?”
“Used to do it all the time when we were kids. But this is the first time she’s written with him since Love Struck.”
My jaw dropped a little. “She wrote with Dirty?”
“Fucking right. That album still outsells all of their other albums combined. It’s a fan favorite. Jesse’s favorite too.” Brody looked over at me. “Or it was, until this one. Jesse’s always said the songs she co-wrote are the best Dirty ever recorded. Got that same feeling on this new album.”
“I had no idea.”
“I guess there’s a lot you don’t know. Maybe you should stick around, find out some more.”
I ignored that, because I wasn’t about to be swayed to stick around for anything, by anyone, other than Jesse himself, and he wasn’t here telling me these things. “Why didn’t she keep writing with Dirty?”
Brody shrugged. “Wanted to go off and do her own thing, not tour the world on her brother’s fame. Wanted something of her own.”
Something of her own.
Shit.
That was the same thing I told Jesse I wanted when I left him in L.A..
I’d promised to call him when I landed to let him know I got home safe, but I didn’t. I’d been avoiding him, ignoring his calls. And I could picture perfectly the look on his face during all those phone calls with his sister, that look I now knew to be deep worry.
Was I making him feel that way now?
God. To think I’d kicked him right where it hurt… It was kind of unforgivable. I didn’t even think I could blame him if he couldn’t forgive me for it.
“I know it wasn’t cool of me to leave him like I did,” I said quietly.
“He cares about you, Katie,” was all Brody said in return.
“He wanted me to help him sell music. That’s all,” I said, feeling kind of desperate to still believe it, because then maybe I wasn’t such a total ass. “I did that. As much as I felt I could.”
Brody looked at me like I was dead crazy. “That’s all you think this was?”
I didn’t know. I just didn’t know anymore.
But if Jesse wanted anything more from me than that, why hadn’t he told me so?
