Page 143 of Dirty Like Me
Katie had sent me a text with a photo taken inside Brody’s house. I recognized the party room; I hadn’t been back there in six years but it was exactly the same. Some of the guys were hanging out on the couch. It was a sweet picture, and I could see why she’d sent it. It was Jesse, Zane, Jude and Brody, the four of them looking exactly like they had so many times when we were kids, relaxed and happy in one another’s company, laughing at some shared joke.
Brody looked so fucking handsome it hurt. With his dark blue eyes and the deep laugh lines at the corners, his brown hair a little messed up and that smile on his face. I hadn’t laid eyes on him in years. Not until Katie’s photos started coming in. I really didn’t need to see him at all, but it wasn’t Katie’s fault.
She didn’t know.
I knew better, but somehow I’d let myself slip. Instead of deleting the photo like I should have, I kept it. I must’ve looked at it a hundred times last night, studying the haunting lines of his face.
God, he looked so happy.
And messed up as I was, I couldn’t even begin to process how I felt about that.
I’d attempted to process it with several cocktails, and when that didn’t work, I’d gone to a party with some friends, and woken up this morning in an apartment in Williamsburg with some hipster I could hardly remember hooking up with last night. I’d slipped out before he woke up, and on my way home, he’d texted me.
Not my one-night stand. Brody.
It was a shock to my hungover system. Not that he never messaged me, but it had been a long time. Seeing his name and number in my messaging app, I felt dirty and twisted and alone. I thought about deleting it, deleting him. Completely blocking him from ever contacting me again.
As if I could wipe what happened off the face of the Earth.
Thinking about you.
That was all he said. But Brody always managed to say just the thing to blow my life wide open.
I stared out the cab window, not really seeing a thing but his smiling face in that photo. I closed my eyes and he was there, awaiting me in the dark. I couldn’t seem to erase him from my thoughts, but I knew I couldn’t let myself backslide like this.
I started to get my phone out of my purse to delete the text and the photo, when the corner of the courier package caught my eye.
I’d almost forgotten about it.
I dug it out from under my purse. It was a smallish envelope, one of those stiff ones that documents come in. I noted the sender’s name and address with a small smile. It was from Katie, but the address was my brother’s. Had they moved in together?
She’d said they were moving in together next month, but I knew my brother was anxious to move her out of her “slum”—his word—and into his place. Katie had been taking her time packing her things and making the arrangements, and didn’t seem to want to rush things. I knew all of this because Katie had been really sweet about keeping in touch with me, via email and text, even when I didn’t always write her back. Guilt gnawed at my stomach and I made a little vow to make more of an effort there. I also made a mental note to send them a housewarming gift, something cool and thoughtful from London.
I slit the courier envelope open, just hoping it wasn’t photos… and because I was my own worst enemy, kind of hoping it was.
A small white envelope slipped out, embossed with a simple music note pattern.
My breath caught as I picked it up.
At a glance, it was obvious what it was. It said Jessa Mayes on it, in what I assumed was Katie’s careful, pretty handwriting, a little heart drawn next to my name. I reminded myself to breathe and told myself to get a grip even as my heart thudded in my chest. I’d known this was happening for a while now. Katie and Jesse had called me together on Skype to tell me about the engagement.
But now it was getting real.
I turned the envelope over; it was sealed with a small silver sticker in the shape of an electric guitar. I smiled again, tears pricking my eyes, overcome with joy and a terrible, heartrending dread all at once. My fingers shook a little as I opened the envelope and pulled out the card inside.
This was all happening so fast.
And not that I didn’t wish my brother every happiness and a long, loving marriage to an amazing girl like Katie, but in reality I hadn’t expected him to find the right girl so suddenly. In theory, I’d had six years to prepare for this eventuality.
In reality, I wasn’t prepared at all.
I opened the little card, which requested my presence at the wedding of Katherine Anne Bloom and Jesse Anderson Mayes, and I shuddered with the force of withholding my tears.
God, I was so incredibly happy for them.
And so shit-scared for me.
Katie had already told me she wanted me to be one of her bridesmaids. And chicken-shit that I was, I’d told her I’d think about it.
