Page 137 of Dirty Like Me
“You know what your friends say about you? ‘Jesse’s not one to talk about his pain.’”
I tried to smile. “Yeah.” I rubbed at the back of my neck the way I did when I was nervous. I didn’t do it much, but this girl had my guts in knots. “I guess I’m kind of an asshole that way.”
“You’renotan asshole, Jesse. Don’t make jokes.”
“I’m not joking. You wouldn’t be the first woman to run for the hills when I wouldn’t open up, Katie. I guess I’m shit at opening up.”
She came closer, looking up into my face like she was searching for clues. Shit. Was I really that hard to read? “But you write all those songs about the most intimate things. What’s the difference?”
“The difference is I write the music. Jessa and Zane and Raf write the words.”
“But you sing them.”
“Yeah. I sing them.” I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her close. “I’m good at that.” I kissed her lightly and she softened against me. Then I drew away, taking a steadying breath. “Please tell me you’ll come to the show tonight,” I whispered.
“Jesse…”
“Katie.” I held her tight so she wouldn’t pull away. Then I took another breath and dug deep for the words. “I want you there with me. I hated playing those last three shows without you. It felt… wrong.”
She blinked at me, her cheeks flushed, but slowly shook her head. “I told you. I can’t just follow you around while you work. It’s not enough for me.” She stared into my eyes. “I just need you to understand. To not hate me for needing more than all the amazing things you’ve given me. For understanding why it’s not enough.”
“I do understand.”
I did, to the marrow of my bones.
She wanted more, but she wasn’t asking for it either. Maybe she was afraid I’d never give it? Which was insane, because I’d give this girl the fucking world.
“It’s just not who I am, Jesse. It will kill me inside, bit by bit, and I’ll end up resenting you, and myself. I just…” She took a deep, fortifying breath. “I changed who I was, for Josh, and then he left me.”
So that was it? She thought I was gonna use her up and spit her out, dump her by the roadside?
No fucking way.
I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “So what if you weren’t just following me around?”
I couldn’t hold back my grin. I was fucking dying to lay this on her. It was pretty much the business proposal I should’ve offered her from day one, if only I’d known about her talent.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what if you were working?”
“Your paid escort again? No thanks.” She smiled a little and poked my chest. “Don’t get me wrong. The job has its perks. But I won’t respect either of us in the morning, ever again.”
I laughed and Katie grinned. God, I loved that grin.
I lifted her off her feet and kissed her again. When I set her down, looking adorably flushed, I said, “What if I told you the band wants you to do our art work?”
She gave me the most twisted, skeptical look I’d ever seen on her face and blinked her blue-greens at me. Several times. “Dirty?” she said in a small voice.
“Yeah, Dirty.”
“What do you mean?Why?”
“Why?” I shook her a little by her sweet hips. “Because your work is fucking awesome.”
She stared at me.
“It would mean a big contract. Enough to keep you going, and keep you busy. We need it all. Album covers, website graphics, clothing, stage backdrops, you name it. We’re talking about a total reworking of our image for our next album, which we’re about to record, and the new tour. It’s our tenth anniversary tour. It will mean a ton of exposure.”
