Page 15 of Not Open Yet
It was unusual for him to forget about meals. He was super Daddy like that. I chose to believe it was because he was so busy thinking about our lips pressed together and his hand on my head with our bodies close.
Near the end of the day, I went to grab the mail, and on the way, I caught sight of Rand’s note. I walked over and put my hands on it, tracing the letters.It’s almost ready, Rand. We’re doingthis, and you’ll be glad to know that I’m finally moving forward and not hiding away anymore. I miss you, but I know you’d like Kyle. He’s really good at taking care of me, and he never asks for anything in return. I miss you.
I didn’t know how this thing with Kyle was gonna work out, but the fact that I took the first step out of my shell was huge. And did I want the next one to be with Kyle, and the next one after that? Absolutely. But the fact that I took any steps at all…that was enough.
Rand would be proud of me.
When I came back in with the mail, I found Kyle picking up the scraps of baseboards. The project was finally done. I had no idea how tedious it would be when I asked him to do it. I felt bad about that.
“So, about before…” I didn’t want to leave it dangling there so long it became impossible to talk about.
“Oh crap, we didn’t eat.”
That hadn’t been what I was talking about, but it was perfect because it gave us the excuse we needed to close up for the day.
We walked down the street to my favorite Chinese restaurant, where we ate far too much food and the conversation flowed freely. It was sweet, but we didn’t discuss the kiss. It felt too private to bring up there. Also, I was scared that it wouldn’t go well. The not-knowing was going to kill me.
It wasn’t until he walked me back to my place that I saw another opening.
“Thanks for dinner,” he said.
“Yes, so…before I go up, can I ask you something?”
“You can always ask me something.”
“When I…when I kissed you, was that okay?” I slammed my eyes shut. I’d done it. I’d asked the question whose answer would change everything, good or bad.
He cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking along my cheekbone, and he didn’t speak until I opened my eyes and met his. “It was better than okay, and I hope to do it again and again and again.”
“Oh.” That had not been the answer I’d been expecting.
“I should’ve said so at the time. I didn’t want to push.”
“Trust me, you’re not. Could you kiss me again?”
He did, and this time it was somewhere between the first two—not too brief, but also not where we were both left breathless.
“Perfect.” He kissed my forehead. “Go on up. You worked hard today.”
I did, and he walked away.
Just like before, he wasn’t pushing. He was giving me the time to think about it and decide.
I went upstairs, showered, threw on my favorite pajamas, and poured myself a bottle of the pumped milk he brought me. Then I found my favorite cartoons and downed it while watching the fairy who always made mistakes get into another kerfuffle. The only thing that would make the day better was if he was here and I was having the bottle of milk from him, or better yet, drinking directly from the source.
Would he let me? Was that something he allowed anyone to do, or was he a pump-only kinda guy. He’d made a comment about drinking direct from the source, but it was hypothetical in nature.
Should I even ask, or should I wait for him to offer, or was it way too soon to be considering any of that?
10
KYLE
When I woke up, my first thoughts were of Ethan. Again. Just like every morning lately. Only this time, it was about that kiss, the one he was brave enough to give, showing me that he was ready to move forward and that, at least for the meantime, he wanted that to be with me. I tried not to read too much into it. He was still in a vulnerable state. I couldn’t imagine the kind of loss he’d gone through.
I got the coffee then took my shower before settling down to pump. Same as always. But this time, when I put the milk away, I used a new canning jar I’d picked up instead of the kind I usually transported it in.
Normally, I didn’t care what kind of container the milk was in when I delivered it. But as I was walking back to my car last night, I saw this one in the store window of a craft co-op. The artist had decorated it with a bear that looked just like Ethan’s stuffie.
