Page 62 of His Vivacious Angel
“I never said that,” I tell the group, most of whom are openly gaping while Shayla is downright glaring as if seconds away from throttling me. What had Autumn told her in the closet to make her give me that look? “Just that I wasn’t sure.”
“That’s the problem,” Shayla says, crossing her arms.
I don’t get the chance to explain myself further—like the fact that I’m devastated Autumn got her period—when a nurse threads between us to check Sherman’s vitals, and we’re shooed out of the room so Sherman can rest.
Nor do I get the chance when Bailey blocks the door to the ladies’ restroom down the hall, and won’t let me pass to speak to Autumn. She’s less hostile than Shayla, her voice gentler when she tells me, “You’re not going to get anywhere with Autumn by barging in if she needs space. We’ll take her and Brady home.”
Having known Autumn her whole life, I trust Bailey’s judgment. “Can Josephine at least go in and say goodbye?” Imotion to my little girl, leaning against the opposite wall, her head ducked to hide her tears.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now,” Bailey says quietly.
The door opens behind her, and Autumn says, “It’s okay.” She must have been listening from the other side.
Bailey steps away so Autumn can squeeze by. She doesn’t look at me as she passes. Kneeling before Josephine, Autumn tells her, “I’m sorry I scared you by raising my voice.”
Josephine nods, but doesn’t speak.
Autumn’s voice cracks when she asks, “Can I give you a hug?”
Josephine’s lips wobble when the two girls who mean the most to me in this world embrace, though Josephine quickly steps back and heads down the hall toward the rest of the family, then takes off with a run.
Sebastian tugs his hand from mine when Autumn approaches. “Tum Tum okay?” he asks, lifting his arms.
Autumn hiccups and presses her lips together before she hefts him up and lies when she says, “Yeah, Sebby, I’m okay.” He reaches for her again when she sets him down after kissing his temple. Curling her hand around Benjamin’s head, with me holding him in my arms, she kisses him next. “Love you, Benny,” she whispers, perhaps unintentionally, because she flicks her blood-shot, wide-eyed gaze to me before quickly darting back into the restroom.
It gives me a little hope I’ll be able to fix what I’ve broken with her.
My boys are too young to sense anything is off after that exchange, but Josephine is glum on the ride home, to put it mildly. Wishing to take her mind off of Autumn for a little while, instead of taking the exit off the highway toward home, I go straight, taking the next one. Since it’s Sunday, the mall’sparking lot isn’t as packed as it usually is, and we have no trouble finding a parking spot close to the entrance.
Putting the gear in neutral and turning the vehicle off, I look back at Josephine and ask, “How about we get started early on our Christmas shopping?”
Josephine shrugs, fidgeting with the hem of her dress.
“Maybe get some new art supplies?”
She’s a little more interested now.
“There’s a movie theater here. We can rewatch the movie we saw in Georgia. And we can get some ice cream afterward,” I say to seal the deal.
“Okay,” she whispers with a slow-growing grin.
“Ice cream!” Sebastian yells from his car seat. Benjamin kicks his feet.
The kids run me ragged after all our shopping, hopped up on sugar. In the darkened theater, trying to stay awake is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Once home, my arms are weak and shaky from carrying Benjamin and the diaper bag in one arm, and the heavy shopping bags in the other, as we trudge from the driveway into our house five hours later, with the sun setting on the horizon.
I should have known I couldn’t keep Josephine distracted for long. During dinner, which we grabbed to-go from Texas Roadhouse, Josephine pokes at her mashed potatoes and says, “You fucked up.”
I choke on my dinner roll slathered with cinnamon butter. Reaching for my soda, I take a healthy swallow before telling her, “Language, Josephine.” I’ve never heard my girl speak like this, and I’m sure I have Autumn to thank for that.
She scowls and sits back, crossing her arms. “But you did. You fucked up, and now she doesn’t want us anymore.”
I shake my head, though she’s not wrong on one account. I did fuck up one of the best things to happen to us, intentionally or not. “No, honey, that’s not it. Autumn still caresabout you three. She always will,” I say, giving each of my three kids a weak smile. “It’s me she doesn’t want to be with.” Which I knew from the very beginning, but stupidly thought that if I pressured her enough and never gave her space when she tried multiple times to end things with me, then she would eventually come around.
“So tell her you’re sorry so she’ll love you again!” Josephine yells, bright splotches spreading across her cheeks.
Again?“I don’t think she ever got that far,” I tell her, my heart sinking, though I’d certainly fallen for her.
“Yes, she did!”
