Page 8 of Foes & Cons
Roxy purses her lips and raises her eyebrows at me. That’s bad. We’ve been in the car for less than five minutes and she’s already getting annoyed with me (or myshit, as she lovingly refers to it). I undo my seatbelt and lean over her as we pull up to the speaker thing at the drive-thru.
“Hi, Costa! Eliza here, of Eliza and Roxy.”
“Um . . . can I take your order?” says a monotone voice.
Jeez, you’d think people would be aching for witty banter at this time of the morning.
“Listen good, Costa, for our order is threefold.” Roxy shakes her head and I waggle my eyebrows at her. “Actually, two lots of threefold so that’s . . . sixfold.”
Silence from the speaker thing.
“Costa? Are you receiving me, Costa?”
Roxy elbows me back into my seat and takes control of the speaker thing, but I don’t mind because she loves me again.
“Have you heard from anyone else? What time is Iris arriving?” I ask.
Iris is Roxy’s girlfriend. She lives a couple of hours’ drive from us so they see each other when they can. I’m happy to confirm that she’s lovely and good enough for my best friend.
Roxy shakes her head as she stops at the next window.
“I wonder if Charlie Chamberlain will remember the convention is usually this weekend?”
“Eliza.”
Eek. Warning tone.
“Sorry. But how lucky are we? Bunking off school and leaving the Awfuls and their drama, and, frankly, the uncreative name-calling behind? I mean, Viggo the Virgin? It doesn’t even make any sense. Firstly, Viggo is male, and secondly, he screwed every warm- and cold-blooded character from season one through five, and that’s what they decide to call me? Like, do your research, guys. Just because they don’t appreciate the genius ofVampire Falls, or what it means to pledge your allegiance to fictious characters, they try to make me feel bad for it? Which I willnever.”
It might shock you to know that I’m not exactly Miss Popular at school. Apparently, being obsessed with football is totally acceptable by general society, but being passionate about a TV show is not. I still don’t see the difference between wearing your team’s football shirt and dressing as your favourite character. But when I came into school in full cosplay on a non-uniformday once, the rest of my year (and a couple of teachers) made it perfectly clear that thereisa difference. I went as a Clopwyck witch from season three, so I didn’t even have any weapons (their eyeballs are their weapons), but I was still told to change. That day, I graduated from being sort-of weird to everyone’s favourite target, but the fandom and my love forVampire Fallsact like a cloak of armour. Whichiswhat I wore when I wasa Clopwyck witch, specifically dragon hide.
Roxy takes the drinks from the Costa guy and hands them to me. I put hers in the drinks holder and take a long slurp from mine. Mmmm. Icy caffeinated goodness. She dumps the food in my lap then pulls away from the window.
“And like the word virgin is some big insult anyway,” I say. “Charlie Chamberlain should—”
“Eliza!” Roxy smacks the steering wheel. “I know it’s my fault for mentioning Haribo bears, therefore referring to him indirectly, and believe me I’m kicking myself that I did, butstop talking about him. It makes you sulky and I refuse to have a sulky weekend, OK? If you mention his name one more time, I will stop this car and you can sit in the back where Daisy pissed all over the seat.”
Don’t panic. Daisy is Roxy’s Labrador. But still, gross.
“OK, fine, I’m sorry. I’m just being wistful, you know?” I take the lid off my latte and give the ice cubes a good swirl around. Don’t you just love that sound? “You can’t look forward without looking back, Roxy – and I’m looking forward to the best, most perfect, weekend of the year and that involves considering what we’re leaving behind, which is Charlie Chamberlain and the— UUUUHHHHH!”
Just so you’re up to speed, Roxy has slammed on the brakes like her driving test depends on it and my entire iced latte has saturated my T-shirt, my bra and my general crotchal area.
“Roxanne Fu!” I scream, trying to keep as still as possible tonot aggravate the seepage. “What the actual fucking fuck?!”
She stares at me, her hands over her mouth.
“Eliza, I’m so,sosorry.” She grabs a tiny travel tissue and dabs at me. I smack her hand away. “Hey, I’m trying to help before it stains.”
“Beforeit stains? We’re a bit beyond that, don’t you think?” I pull my T-shirt away from my skin. Ew. Moist. “You did that on purpose.”
Roxy sighs and folds her arms.
“Not the spillage part but yes, yes, I stopped the car on purpose, after I told you that I was going to stop the car if you didn’t stop talking about Charlie. I didn’t know you’d taken the lid off. I mean, why would you do that in a moving car?” She looks me up and down, and her face softens. “I really am sorry, babe. Shall we go back to Costa so you can get changed?”
I am burning with absolute rage, but my entire front half is freezing cold and squelchy. It’s quite the juxtaposition.
“I don’t have anything else to wear!”
