Page 7 of Foes & Cons
“Did you see Charlie Chamberlain yesterday with the rest of the Awfuls? I hate the way they just stand around talking to each other.”
“We stand around talking to each other,” says Roxy, disinterested. I should really talk to her about her tone when I’ve finished ranting.
“But we don’t do it in aworship-our-perfect-bone-structure-and-lucky-genesway. I mean, that’s all good looks are anyway. Luck. It’s nothing to be proud of.”
“You didn’t think that when we were friends with him.”
“He didn’t look like that when we were friends with him,” I say, folding my arms.
“Yes, he did.”
“Well, yes, if you want to get technical, but he wasn’t all groomed and in proportion, and he couldn’t shave properly because of his acne.”
“If you say so.”
“Remember that Halloween he was so embarrassed of his acne he wore a McKinley the Pessimistic Werewolf mask to take Sadie trick or treating and then kept it on for days? He hated McKinley the Pessimistic Werewolf.”
Sadie is Charlie’s little sister andVampire Fallssuperfan in training. She’s seriously cute and I miss seeing her, but that’s what happens when best friends ditch you and move on. They take their cute little sister out of your life too.
“McKinley’s the worst,” says Roxy, shaking her head at the mention of everyone’s least favouriteVampire Fallscharacter. “Everyone hates McKinley.”
“Duh, that’s why there’s a song called ‘Everyone Hates McKinley’ in the musical episode.”
Roxy immediately bursts into song.
“McKinley, McKinley, you sing out of tune, don’t blame the full moon,” she sings, tapping her hand on the steering wheel.
I obviously must join in.
“We know it’s a curse, but your pessimism’s the worst. Everyone hates McKinleeeey.”
We finish the song on a horrific crescendo and pull into the Costa drive-thru. Roxy doesn’t even pause at the menu; we have the same thing every year. It’s a tradition my mum started when she took us to our first convention five years ago. Mum always had a triple-shot of espresso in her iced mocha (we could get very squealy on the journey) and Roxy and I have since graduated from decaf. You don’t mess with tradition, even when your chaperone has let you fly free. I clear my throat and continue.
“And what does he even talk to them about anyway? He can’t talk to them about what we used to talk about, can he? Did he get a handbook or something when he went to the dark side?”
“He didn’t go to the dark side, Eliza, he—”
“He abandoned us and started hanging out with the Awfuls: that’s the dark side, Roxy,” I say. “Uh, and did you see Vivian hanging off him? Made for each other in an evil laboratory.”
“You just don’t like her because of that time she got gold on the balance beam, and you came last.”
“Because she was twice my height when we were eleven! I could barely get on the thing properly. Super-richbitch.”
“I don’t think she’s super-rich, babe,” says Roxy, frowning. “Her parents run an events company or something. She’s not that bad. She actually invited us to that party.”
“Well, I didn’t actually want to go.”
“But then you would never have met Kit Connor,” she says, fluttering her eyelashes.
“Don’t,” I say, my stomach bubbling with embarrassment. “I can’t believe Charlie Chamberlain witnessed me barfing everywhere. I bet he’s told everyone.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I bet he filmed it. Did he film it?”
“Here’s an idea we haven’t tried,” says Roxy, showing her perfect teeth in a fake open-mouthed smile. “If you talk about Charlie again, I will stop the car.”
“You brought him up, buddy, but fine with me.” I peer down and pull the seatbelt tight across my T-shirt. “Are you sure you can’t see my bra?”
