Page 78 of A Sea So Cruel
Instinctively, she pushed. The thoughtrus lunged at her like a cobra, its fangs penetrating her protective shield around her memory. Asta felt a dull ache with every blow the cobra struck, the tattered shield still holding, but not for long.
Asta knew her defenses would only withstand a handful more hits before coming down. She knew that if that happened, she risked memory damage. She knew that it was silly to hidesuch a thing; to sacrifice so much for one small private memory. But she could not stop.
As the cobra reared back for the final, mind melting blow, it retreated, disappearing back toward the infiltrative mass in Asta’s mind. Toward Sabella.
Then, an image that wasn’t true but could very well become a reality poured through Asta, bleeding into every crevice and congealing.
Asta saw herself, hunched over something wrapped in a tattered blanket. She rocked rhythmically, counting aloud.
“Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight. One, two, three…”
The counting continued in a loop as Asta rocked a newborn child. The baby screamed in her arms, but she was too lost to the counting. Too lost to her ritual. The only indication that this alternate-reality “Asta” acknowledged the child was the crinkle of her crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes. But she could not stop. She must count, and count, and count.
Not only that. She must produce child, after child, after child. One heir was not enough. One heir was not enough. One heir was not enough. Birth the children, raise them, marry them off. That was her purpose. And it drove her mad. She watched as the elder Asta lightly tapped the edge of the blanket—tapping, tapping, tapping. Rocking and counting. Tapping. The screaming persisted from the baby.
It was her own personal Hell. It was her greatest fear.
Thatwas what thoughtrus was intended for. Through her greatest fears, Sabella could determine her greatest desires.
Sabella withdrew, the tendrils she had wrapped around Asta’s brain retracting with a tickling sensation. When Asta returned to the throne room, she was still staring deeply into Sabella’s silver gaze. The female gently smiled at her, her cheeks flushed and a sheen of sweat on her brow.
Was thoughtrus draining? Had Asta’s been difficult? She did not see the fae female look so drained until she completed Asta’s assessment. Her stomach churned with nausea from both living through her worst nightmare paired with Sabella’s pending result.
The blonde princess dared a glance at Kaid, who was breathing heavily in anticipation. She wondered if her thoughtrus was longer, like Gyrial’s, or shorter, like Revna’s. Either way, Asta had pushed against the magic, which Gyrial had specifically instructed she not do.
“I need… time,” Sabella announced over her shoulder toward the dais. “Let me gather my thoughts while I continue assessments.”
Jek stood up, his hands fisted into tight balls. “I demand you report whether she is a threat or not. Your council demands answers!”
Sabella snapped her gaze to Jek, baring her elongated fangs with a hiss. “You will not rush me. Am I not your only mindwalker? Am I not the only one who understands what this power requires? Magic does not abide by our rules. We abide by the laws of magic.”
To Asta’s surprise, Lord Karlana sat back on his throne without another word, his face deep crimson.
Sabella quickly worked through her assessment of Soren. Moving onto Kaid, Asta’s chest tightened. The thought that continuously gave Asta comfort was that she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Kaid’s intentions were pure in wanting to help the sirens bring peace to the Ventarin Seas.
The siren prince’s assessment was swift, Sabella hardly touching Kaid’s head before she determined that he was trustworthy.
They only had one more person—Tova. The sea dragon shifter was shaking like a leaf, her usual carefree demeanorburied with worry and anticipation. Asta did not know what she had to worry about. She wanted the sirens to be free of war as much as everyone else here.
As the thoughtrus fae approached Tova, the sea dragon glanced toward Asta and shook her head before averting her gaze.
Sabella grabbed Tova’s head and jerked, her arm stiffening and her fingers grasping roughly at Tova’s scalp. The females breathed heavily in unison, their bodies shaking. Before long, Sabella released her grasp and fell backward onto her rump. Tova fell to the side, convulsing and foaming at the mouth.
Asta rushed to her friend’s side. “What have you done?” she shouted through gritted teeth. “What is wrong with her?”
“She resisted,” Sabella crawled back, awestruck. “I could still see her memories through her fight. She had no reason to push me.”
Asta brushed Tova’s hair from her face as her eyes lolled back and her convulsions subsided. She was still breathing, but what the fuck was wrong with her?
“Tova? Tova! You need to wake up!” She shook her friend’s body.
Asta felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Kaid, lips turned in and sympathy in his gaze. “She resisted, Asta. She knew the risks. There isn’t—” He shook his head. “We will take her home with us. Maybe being in a familiar setting will help.”
Lord Karlana clapped slowly, dramatically, as he stood once again. “A traitor in our midst, as we expected. And what of the blonde creature?”
Asta instinctually hissed at him, her siren at wits end with this fae council after losing her friend.
Sabella gestured toward Asta. “She is of pure intent with the trident. She is of pure intent of anything she sets her mind to.” The silver-haired fae faced Asta and continued speaking inhushed tones. “I worried, regarding your relationship with your sister, that you may wish to use the trident to reconcile with her somehow. But I see now that you are one who says what you feel, and acts on how you feel. And above all else, you covet the moments you share with others when you are acting on your emotions. I cannot fault you for such a thing. Truthfully, I commend you on your willingness to risk your wellbeing to protect those moments. You are not your fears. You are not a vessel for breeding. Your rituals do not make you mad. You are you, and that is valuable. You are you, and you should not question your worth because of habits you cannot control. They do not define you. Do not let them.”
