Page 8 of Finding His Happiness
“Hmm.” He took the question seriously before doing one little wiggle and shaking his head. “No. I’m not on the ‘fucking with people’ side of the spectrum. I like being right, and if I had to guess, based on what I’ve read, I think I’ll be the type of sub who likes being well-behaved or at least following the rules.”
Before I could respond, he let out a dramatic sigh and rested his head against my chest again. “As long as I’m not being a pain in the butt, of course.”
I managed not to laugh out loud, but my chest jerked earning a long exhale from him. “Laugh. It’s okay. It’s silly but I can’t always control it.”
Like when he’d wanted to stomp his feet and pout when he’d first sat down.
“Even if I did laugh, which I’m not agreeing to at the moment, it would’ve been because I thought your explanation was funny and your delivery was cute.” He knew his weak points and his strong suits, even if he didn’t like admitting the weakness. “I’m also enjoying your personality even if you don’t always understand why.”
He didn’t pull away, but he hid his face against my chest. “What do you think about that?”
About what?
No.
It was probably the obvious answer.
“About you not always understanding why I might react a certain way?” When he nodded, I snuggled him tighter against me and trailed my fingers over his head and around his ear to help soothe him. “I didn’t really think about it emotionally one way or the other.”
It seemed like I needed to, though.
Okay, what had I been thinking when I said it?
“I was taking what I knew from our conversation and projecting it forward.” He liked logic, so I wasn’t surprised when some of his tension eased. “I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, so I guess at most, in the back of my head I was thinking about making sure I explained my thoughts and emotions clearly to you in more complicated scenes.”
There were a lot of reasons he might not understand what I was feeling and not just because he seemed to have spent his entire life avoiding intimate contact with other people in any andall ways. I wasn’t even sure he’d ever had some kind of deep friendship that would’ve felt intimate on an innocent level.
“I bother people sometimes when I can’t relate to what they’re feeling.” His admission was probably hard for him, but he was being careful to deliver it as neutrally as he could. “When I’ve asked questions to make sure I understand why they’ve laughed or why they’re angry, it’s only made the situation worse.”
They were dicks.
“Okay. I’m going to say logically I can picture the situation and I’m smart enough to guess what might’ve led them to that point, but on a personal level, I will never get upset with you for asking me why I’m feeling a specific way.” I’d be a terrible fucking Dom if I did. “I will also never get upset if you ask me why I’m aroused or why I’m giving you the impression I’m feeling something.”
Had I covered all the bases?
“This lifestyle, no matter which variation, is built around trust and communication. You can’t submit to someone you can’t trust and you can’t trust someone you don’t understand.” Hoping I was breaking it down in the right way, I kept the tight hold on him. “That means I’m going to do my best to break down how I’m feeling and anything I think you might be confused about. Like what turns me on.”
I wasn’t sure if he was ace, confused, or a straight guy who was severely touch starved, but what I could do was explain how I was feeling.
“I’m glad you like my personality, but you were right, I don’t understand why.” He seemed to think his personality was all negative, and I could only assume that was because of what other people had said. “I think I should also reinforce that I’m enjoying your personality and being held, which is actually a surprise.”
“I’m glad it’s been a good surprise.” Because I was a touch person and I wasn’t sure I could have a relationship where I couldn’t hold him. Sexual contact aside, this was the part I couldn’t live without. “I’m also glad we’re able to talk through how we’re both feeling. That’s going to make moving forward a lot easier.”
And he went still again.
“You...you still want to help me explore...myself?” He didn’t seem to know how to word the question, but he hadn’t said happiness that time.
“Yes.” There was no question about that...at least on my part. “Do you still want to explore it with me?”
He nodded without having to think about it. “Yes, but...but I don’t have a frame of reference for what that looks like.”
Then we’d figure out one for him.
“I do and I’ll help walk us through it.” One step at a time. “Tonight we’re starting with figuring out where you don’t mind being touched and where you like being touched. Emotionally or physically. This isn’t just about what your cock responds to.”
Because it might not respond to anything.
“It works.” His immediate assertion had me fighting to keep a straight face. “It’s hard in the morning when I wake up.”
