Page 86 of The Call-Up
“Right.” I nod my head. “Way more than dating. I moved in with him last week.”
My mother’s eyes briefly go wide, and my father looks at us, stunned.
Feeling exhausted, I sit beside Ryan and take comfort in the way our thighs press together.
The surprise on my mother’s face is gone. She’s now regarding us with a softer expression. As if something in her is breaking but I can’t imagine what. There’s no way she’s mad. She loves Ryan. “How long have you two been together?”
“Since right before the first round of the playoffs.”
My dad brings his hand to his face and rubs his cheeks and chin. “We just saw you in Minnesota. Why didn’t you tell us?”
They look sad. Which is the last thing I expected.
“Did you think we wouldn’t accept you?” Mom asks. She looks like she’s about to cry, whereas when she first got here and caught on, I thought she was going to burst with joy.
“No,” I say. “I never thought that.”
“Never,” Ryan agrees and places his hand on my shoulder. He runs it back and forth across my back. “The opposite actually.” He pulls his hand away from my back and I look over at him. He’s looking at my parents, who are staring at him the same way they’ve always looked at me and Ander. Like we can do no wrong.“There’s so much I’ve always wanted to tell both of you.”
My mom shakes her head. “Ryan, you don’t owe us an explanation.”
“Except that I do,” he says as he takes a breath and rubs his hands harshly across his face.
As I watch him, it dawns on me that maybe this moment is bigger for him than it is for me. My stomach sinks. I’ve been selfish. I’ve taken my parents’ love and acceptance for granted. Everything I have is all that Ryan has ever wanted.
“When I first came to live with you,” Ryan continues, “my life was a mess. I had just been outed at home, and well, that hadn’t gone so well?—”
“Is that why your parents never came?” my mom asks. She wipes her eyes.
“No,” Ryan says. “Things weren’t great for us already. Honestly, even if they hadn’t found out I was gay they wouldn’t have visited me in Green Bay anyway. Hell, they’ve never been to any of my games and I hardly ever hear from any of them outside of the occasional Christmas wish.”
I can feel the anger radiating off of him as he rises to his feet and starts to pace the room. I didn’t expect this, and I don’t know what to do as I watch the flood gates open, exposing everything Ryan has kept hidden from everyone for so long.
“My oldest sister,” he says. “She just got married. Did you know that?” It’s clearly a rhetorical question. “I didn’t. I only found out because I occasionally check both my sisters’ Instagrams and Isaw the photos from her wedding. It’s as if I don’t exist to them. Any of them. They all get to be happy. They all get to be a family. I’m the one who’s constantly being punished, and for something I didn’t even do. I didn’t ask for this. My mom had an affair and I’m the one who was cast out because of it.”
My mom looks over at me. She starts to rise off her seat, but I beat her to it. As soon as Ryan is near enough to me again, I’m up and have my arms wrapped around him. This was supposed to be my coming out. This was supposed to be the easy part for him. All he needed to do was sit there and be his perfectly handsome self. But instead he’s laying his life bare.
Once I have him in my hold, it’s as if all his energy has left him. This was a bad idea. We have a game to play in a few hours and right now, with the way he’s collapsed against me, he can barely hold himself up. He’s gripping my shirt with his hand, and he’s buried his face into my neck. I can feel my skin getting damp from his breath and his tears.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if there’s anything to say. So I do the only thing I can at the moment and that’s just hold onto him as he continues to break down while my parents look over the entire scene.
My poor parents. We’ve blindsided them and I still have yet to give them a proper explanation as to why I never even bothered to tell them I was gay. But I can’t focus on that right now. Ryan needs me, and he never needs anyone. Not like this, at least. I whisper into his ear, reminding him that I love him.
“Ryan, sweetie,” my mom says. She’s suddenly standing beside us. I never even saw her get up. She places a hand on my back and gently pushes me aside so she can take over. “Their loss is our gain. We’ve always seen you as another one of our sons.” She looks over Ryan’s shoulder at me and smiles. “And now Brandon has made sure you are a permanent part of it. You always have a home with us. We’re never going to push you out or leave you. That’s a Bouchard promise.”
“It’s true,” my dad says. He stands too and the next thing Iknow he has me wrapped in a bear hug. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell us.”
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “I should have said something ages ago.”
“Don’t worry about it,” my dad says as he lets go of me, then places a hand onto Ryan’s back. “It doesn’t matter. We know now and this changes nothing.”
“I think it changes quite a lot of things,” Ryan says, his voice sounding strained.
My mother pulls away from him and goes back to holding his face between her palms. “It changes everything, and all of it for the better. Welcome to the family, sweetie. Officially.”
THIRTY-TWO
Ryan
