Page 39 of Matlock
I inhaled and shrugged. “Wasn’t the first time,” I said flippantly, as if it didn’t matter. As if what Cletus did hadn’t affected me.
“With Cletus, or in general?”
“Is he dead?” I asked, ignoring his question.
“No. Mimic and Indie met me there. King sent them to make sure I didn’t kill him. He’ll be drinking from a straw for the foreseeable future, though.”
I snorted at the absurdity of those two being the moral compass that kept Cletus alive.
“He’ll assume we’re together,” I said without looking up. “He’ll start spreading rumors about why you came to my defense.”
“This town knows we don’t take shit from anyone. For any reason. He’ll know you’re protected by the club.”
But not by you, I thought. Because he wouldn’t want anyone to know that. He wouldn’t want anyone to know he defended me, not because that was what the club did, but because I was his.
He might have been willing to say I was his in the bedroom, in the afterglow of sex. But not outside. Not in town where it mattered.
I moved to the edge of the bed, and Tony caught my arm. “Hey.”
“I need to take a shower so I can cut Grace’s hair,” I reminded him.
“You want some company?”
I stared into his hopeful eyes. I held back my retort and nodded with a smile of my own. One I had perfected over the years. One that covered over the hurt and pain I was feeling. Tony smiled back and rushed around the side of the bed, taking my hand.
When I stood up, he kissed me. His hands held the sides of my head, and he kissed me long and deep. I knew what it was. An apology without the words.
God, I was so fucking pathetic.
Because instead of pushing him away like I should have, I took what I wanted from him. We showered together, and unlike yesterday, this time, when he ordered me to my knees, Idropped in front of him.
I let him fuck my mouth and then my ass again. I gave him everything I had, hoping someday things would change.
Because I was weak when it came to Anthony Gallagher.
I loved him. And I didn’t want to live without him, so I took the crumbs he gave me and tried to convince myself it was enough.
After the shower, we dressed in silence. We’d barely spoken to each other since waking up. Neither one of us wanted to chance breaking the truce we’d come to.
Truce.I scoffed.
It wasn’t a truce; it was a surrender.
My surrender.
I was always the one who surrendered when it came to our relationship. Tony was the dominant one, and I was the submissive one.
In the bedroom, I loved it. I wouldn’t change a thing. I loved the way he controlled my body and mind. The way he dominated me.
But outside, in the world, I wanted to be his equal. I wanted him to see me as someone he could build a life with; someone he could lean on when life got tough.
Someone who would protect him. His heart, his mind, his reputation. I wanted him to put everything in my hands and let me help carry the load.
But that wasn’t how he saw me. I knew he loved me; that was never a question. He just didn’t love me enough to make me a part of his life. I didn’t think he was ashamed of me.
Not until we pulled into the clubhouse.
I reached for the door, and Tony stopped me.
