Page 27 of Matlock
I left the room in search of my suit jacket and pulled the pack of cigarettes out of the pocket, tapping it against my palm until one of the sticks slid out. I tossed the pack onto the table and walked out the back door.
Right now, I didn’t care who saw me. By now, word would have gotten around that Judge Markham ordered me to stay here and watch over Simon. Making sure he didn’t run.
Not that he would. He made me so fucking angry sometimes. I knew he loved his sister. I knew he’d do anything for her, but this all could have been avoided if he’d just fucking called me before he called the sheriff.
Sitting on the back patio, I lit my cigarette. I inhaled the nicotine slowly, letting it fill my lungs. I dropped my head backand closed my eyes as I exhaled, allowing the smoke to float away, hoping it would take my fears with it.
I was fucking terrified.
Scared Simon would be found guilty and go to prison. Afraid I’d never again hold him in my arms. Never again feel his lips on mine. Never again make love to him.
Simon’s words returned, and I thought back over the past six years. Surely there was a time we’d spent the night together. Every time I went to the club, I got a room close by. The long drive after a night of fucking was a disaster waiting to happen.
He had to be wrong. There had to be a time when I invited him to stay with me, though I couldn’t remember one.
I didn’t know how long I sat there staring into the backyard, thinking about my life and where it was headed. Wondering how long before Simon told me to fuck off for good.
The sliding door opened, but I didn’t turn my head.
“Thank you for not smoking in the house.”
“You’re welcome,” I grumbled back.
“I was going to make breakfast.” He paused. When I still didn’t turn, he asked, “Are you hungry?” His voice was quiet, defeated. Once again, I felt like the asshole. Simon deserved better than a man who wouldn’t be with him in public. A man so far in the back of the closet, he’d never find his way out.
“No, I need to go to the clubhouse and get some clothes,” I said, pressing the butt of my cigarette against the patio floor. I’d need to get an ashtray out here.
“You don’t have to stay here.”
I stood and turned. Simon was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were red, and I knew it had nothing to do with the water in the shower.
“You heard the judge. I’m responsible for you.”
“Where do you think I’m going to go, Tony?”
I stepped up to him, crowding his space. I wanted to be close to him every fucking minute of the day, and Judge Markham had given me a reason to do it. I planned to take full advantage of the responsibility and play the concerned lawyer to everyoneelse.
Knowing full well that whether he agreed or not, I would be sleeping in Simon’s bed every fucking night I was here.
I ignored his question and brushed my body against him as I slipped through the door, making sure he felt me against him.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said, grabbing my shirt and turning to him. “Unless you want to come with me?”
His eyes widened, and his breath hitched, and I knew what I’d done. I’d never invited Simon to the clubhouse. I couldn’t fucking control myself around this man; it was why I stayed away from him unless we were at the club.
Simon stood up from the doorway and shook his head. “No, I’ll stay here.” He moved through the kitchen flawlessly, grabbing the items he needed to make breakfast.
“Simon,” I began, then pulled back.
His movements paused; his hands flattened on the counter and he asked, “What?”
I knew if I asked him again, it would be the permission he needed to come with me. “Never mind. I’ll be back soon.”
I slipped my feet into my shoes and tossed my jacket over my arm, then I left without another word.
The clubhouse was quiet when I walked in. It was still early, and most of the guys were either still asleep or at work. I sat down at the bar, and Joey immediately set a cup of coffee in front of me.
I sat there wasting time drinking my coffee, because I knew the sooner I went back to Simon’s, the sooner I would have him on his knees.
