Page 26 of Matlock
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, having no trouble at all in making his voice sound angry.
I shook my head and walked to the bathroom. Tony jumped up and grabbed my arm, stopping me from getting away. “What are you talking about, Simon?”
I huffed out a breath, having no trouble at all showing my frustration at the man who drove me crazy.
“Any time you aren’t getting your way, you use sex to make me compliant.”
His mouth dropped open, and he sputtered, “I-I don’t fucking do that.”
“Last month, when we were at the club. I wanted to leave; I wanted to go somewhere where it was just you and me. What did you do, Tony?”
His brow furrowed, and he dropped his hand from my arm as he thought back. “I didn’t do anything you didn’t fucking want, Simon.”
“No, you didn’t. Except distract me with sex so you got your way. You do it all the time, and I didn’t realize it until you did it again last night, when you wanted information about Sadie. You thought you could seduce me into giving you what you wanted.”
“That wasn’t what I was fucking doing,” Tony insisted.
“I locked my bedroom door because I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to talk to you. Because I knew I would give in, like I always do. And what did you do, Tony?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You broke into my room and crawled into my bed,” I shouted, throwing my hands up in frustration. “Do you even realize that was the first time we ever slept together?” His brow furrowed again and when he opened his mouth, I cut him off. “Actually slept, Tony. In the same bed. Six years you’ve been fucking me. And not once have I ever fallen asleep in your arms. Not once have I ever woken up in your arms until this morning, when I didn’t want you there.”
He stared at me, and I saw his face change before my eyes.He was angry. No, he was furious. I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Not physically, anyway. He’d been hurting me emotionally for years, and I’d finally had enough.
“I’m taking a shower. When I lock the fucking door, it means stay the fuck away from me.”
I left him in my room and slammed the bathroom door, making sure he heard the lock click. I braced my hands against the sink, my head hanging between my shoulders.
Once again, the tears came. This time they were angry. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and shook my head.
“You can do this, Simon,” I whispered to the broken man who looked back at me. “You can walk away. You can get your dignity back and find someone who wants to build a life with you.”
I reached in and turned on the shower. I undressed while I waited for it to warm up. Then I stepped in and let the water wash over me. Letting go of the tension, the stress, everything that had been weighing me down for the past few days.
My sister was free. I didn’t know where she was, and I didn’t want to know. As long as she was free, I could endure anything. As long as she was safe, I could persevere.
Those were the lies I told myself as I cried in the shower. Along with the lies about letting Tony go and finding my way without him. Because I knew, even if I had the strength to let him go, there would never be anyone else.
Tony was my heart and my soul. I just wished he saw me the same way. I wanted the same thing everyone else wanted. To be loved. To be cherished. I wanted someone to be proud to hold me in their arms. Someone who, no matter who was in the room, would make it clear to everyone that I belonged to them.
I would never have that with Tony, so it was time to let him go.
Chapter Ten
Matlock
The door to the bathroom slammed closed, and the click of the lock echoed around me. I sank down on the end of the bed, Simon’s words beating an incessant thump inside my head.
I didn’t use sex to control him.
I wasn’t a fucking asshole.
Who was I kidding? I was an asshole. It was no secret Simon wanted more—more than I could give him. I held my head in my hands, my elbows braced on my knees. The sound of the water running woke up my dick. A vision of Simon standing under the water, his cock in his hand, stroking it while he thought about me.
It was what I did. Every fucking shower I took had me jacking off to thoughts of Simon on his knees. Simon bent over, giving me his ass without a word.
Fuck! I am an asshole.
