Page 132 of The Forbidden Villain
“I’d say I’m your girlfriend, but that sounds a bit odd to me. The term doesn’t fit our dynamic.” I throw the towel on the chair and flip my locks over my shoulder while the light wind from the AC billows my dress backward. “So I’m your woman and the only thing you can call me is eithermineormoycvetochek. Darling is too generic for my liking, that’s what you call everyone besides me.”
This shouldn’t surprise him since we both discovered I thrive in praise and attention, so feeling special is a part of that equation.
I notice a bowl of strawberries on the table and go to it, snatching one up and groaning at the sweet taste, his gaze turning brooding right away. “Delicious.”
“Lavender.”
“Yes, Levi?”
“Get out and go home. We’re done.”
Despite his harsh tone, he sounds disturbed himself for even uttering these words, and hiding my smile, I take another strawberry and eat it. “Why would I do that? It’ll just cause unnecessarily complications for you.” By his deepening frown I understand he’s confused as fuck with me right now. “You’ll still have to stalk me from afar, so why create this distance between us? You can stare at all this,” I sweep my hand up and down my form, “up close and without having to worry about that piece of shit.”
Warmth washes over me as an idea flashes in my head so quickly, I say it out loud before I can stop myself. “Do you think we can use your obsessive tendencies as foreplay? You can watch me from the screen getting off to the thought of you. Just like you taught me.” I sigh. “Although I think I’d miss you too much to enjoy it.” I wave my hand. “No, scratch that, and besides, I think I still should find this whole thing disturbing. So no more cameras in my bedroom or during my sessions with Dr. Phoenix.”
I know there is nothing normal about our relationship, and I would tell any other woman to run away from a man like that, but I don’t want to.
Levi would never hurt me, and after being left alone for such a long time…it’s comforting to know that I’m never really alone even when he’s not physically around.
I should probably discuss this at my next session with Dr. King. She knows a thing or two about having unconventional relationships after all.
Her husband used to be her worst enemy who once ruined her life.
Levi starts to walk toward me, so I meet him halfway, polishing off another strawberry as the juice trickles down my chin and his gaze instantly zeroes in on it. “So that’s what pity feels like.” I blink at this and gasp when he palms my cheeks and flicks his tongue over my chin. “Now that you know my life story and it moved you so much, your empathy and kindness couldn’t handle it. You feel like you should be the one to save me and show me that there is goodness in this world.”
He tips my chin upward, self-loathing coating his every word and stabbing invisible knives all over my heart that still bleeds for the little boy he used to be.
“Do not feel sorry for me, Lavender. My past will never excuse any of my actions in the present. Don’t try to find justification for them or convince yourself that you have to be stuck with me due to my vices that stalk your every move. There is nothing sane about me and I’m the kind of man everyone warns you about.”
He takes my hand and places it above his heart. “Do you feel this? It beats only to pump blood in my veins. I have no idea what it is like to love someone, and probably never will. All these fairytale stories about princes and princesses? You can forget about them. There is nothing magical about my feelings for you. They are violent and obsessive and if you let me, I might suffocate you with them. I’d never clip your wings and let you explore this world, but only if I’m by your side. There would beno escaping my madness, and I won’t rest until I own every inch of you.”
We stare at one another for a second and he wipes away the single tear trailing down my cheek with his thumb as his voice becomes softer, albeit still harsh. “The monster will not turn into a prince with the right kind of love. He’ll stay forever cursed.” He kisses me on my forehead and steps away. “Now go.”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I hold back the tears threatening to escape because I understand this is not what he needs right now from me.
Levi doesn’t want my tears, as to him they speak about unhappiness and sacrifices. He probably spent first six years of his life watching his mother suffer, and the idea of putting another woman through that makes him rebel.
“I’m not a princess.” I grab his belt buckle, halting his movements and putting my palm back on his chest. Despite the steady drumming, I feel his scarred flesh through the thin shirt and the moonlight mixing with dim lights changes the atmosphere all around us, charging it with heat and tension.
This handsome and complicated man reminds me of the warrior who survived countless battles. Except these battles convinced him he’s damaged and not deserving of any good feelings that are willingly offered once people learn his true nature.
He destroyed the boy he once was in order to become the man he is today, but his soul still weeps, desperately wishing to find unconditional acceptance so he’d finally feel like he has his rightful place.
The Scotts gave him everything, however, he probably believes that they might have been disappointed once they learn the whole truth about him.
I know they would love him no matter what but still, he won’t be able to share his nightmares with them because he wouldn’t want to hurt them.
That’s okay.
From now on, I’ll be his safe haven just like he is mine.
“I’m not a princess,” I repeat. “I think to be a princess you have to have a certain naivety and innocence about life.”
“You are one to me.”
His reply is the root of our problem.
My inexperience and past convinced him he corrupted my mind.
