Page 45 of Out of Bounds
“Such an old man,” I tease.
“Don’t I know it.”
“Stop it. You’re thirty-four.”
“That’s twelve years older than you.” He says it so quickly I know it’s not the first time he’s thought it. I have, too, and for no good reason. My focus flicks down to that big muscly thigh of his and how it felt between mine.
“Annie!” Tanner calls as I hit an uneven patch and test the car’s suspension.
“Whoopsie,” I say, fluttering my eyelids. When we’re back on track, I tell him, “Age is a number, Tanner. Life experience makes us older. Sometimes wiser.”
“Maybe.”
I don’t like the proverbial turn we’ve taken. Why do I care what he thinks about our age gap? I shouldn’t. So I take us back to the actual point of this conversation. “Colton’s doing better for having more certainty this year. The pain of losing someone is hard but the not knowing, the hopelessness of hope, that’s worse in some ways.”
He nods in my periphery and takes off his helmet. “I get that. My mom and I got along much better once we’d decided, or I’d accepted, that my old man was never coming back.”
“Do you think it’s better to know your daddy doesn’t… isn’t… won’t…”
“Everyone’s situation is different, Annie, but I’m better off without a man who didn’t want to treat me or my mom right.”
I think we’re still talking about Tanner’s upbringing but I can’t help relating it back to my own son and wondering whether?—
“Holy crap!” Out of nowhere, I see a life-size…Tanner?I slam on my brakes and right before I stop in front of the cardboard cutout of the man sitting next to me, I let off the pedal and we stop hard but without being flung into our safety belts.
“Nice job,” Tanner says as I look further into the distance to see more cutouts of other Bears players. The entire offense in life-size advertising cutouts, making hazards on my open plains.
As I look at the real, breathing man beside me, it dawns on me what just happened. Whether it’s the relief of everything that’s been painful this last week, or simply that Tanner went out of his way to make me laugh, that’s exactly what I do. My sides feel like they’re tearing and my ribs ache so bad it hurts more than anything has for the last year and a half.
I laugh so much I can’t catch my breath. So hard I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.
So intensely that my happiness turns to tears and suddenly I’m sobbing over the steering wheel of my borrowed car.
“Hey, hey, what’s going on? Talk to me, Annie.”
“Tanner, I think my heart is broken,” I tell him, resting my forehead into my hands.
“Then Jesus, girly, switch seats and I’ll drive you to the ER.”
I sniff-laugh and flick his bicep as I straighten. “I’m serious.”
He leans his head back and turns to face me. “Look at me, Annie.” I do. I look deep into those dark brown eyes – the safety, the concern and all the warmth they hold. “Your heart isn’t broken. I see you with Nelson, Sonny, Colton and Sas, even Maisie and Bear, this whole ranch and every family that comes to visit it. You have so much love inside you and so much love to give. Your heart isn’t broken, it’s hurting, that’s all.”
“You think so?”
He reaches a hand to my cheek and it’s so welcome that I close my eyes and lean into his touch. “Who’s taking care of you, Annie Quinn? While you’re busy looking after everyone and everything else, who’s taking care of you?”
You, I think. I don’t say it, but I turn into his palm and I have to force myself not to kiss it. To thank him. Because no good can come of me letting Tanner know that I might like him more than as my friend.
I know I do.
And for so many reasons, I can’t.
“Come stay with me, Annie.”
Huh?I gawp at him.
“I’ll clear it with Colton first but consider it. I live in a gated community that’s safe. You’d be closer to school. Nelson and Betty can come, obviously. There’s more than enough space for us all. I’ve got a housemaid and a chef who would love to dote on you guys. It’d be a break for you all, but especially you.”
