Page 27 of Out of Bounds
Between the intensity of his gaze and that I feel grounded rather than lost for the first time since Auston messaged me, my eyes cloud and the urge to kiss him, to be under his protection, to be held by him, is back. I want to know how he tastes and how his lips would feel pressed to mine.
But we’re discussing Auston and my relationship withhim.The very last thing I am to Tanner is an attractive proposition, obviously.
As if he’s having the exact same thought as me, he drops his hands and leans into his seat, eyelids squeezed shut.
“Is it solely about Nelson?” he asks. “Or do you still have feelings for Auston?”
“Nelson,” I say instantly. “Only Nelson and doing right by him. I actually told Auston he could go fuck himself.”
Tanner bellows out a laugh that seems to shock us both, bringing his usual lightness into this storm-darkened space. “Atta girl.”
But it’s a fleeting shift before I’m twisting my fingers in my lap. “I’m not stupid. I know there was a reason Auston wanted us to see each other in secret and I was so blinded by him that I either didn’t see it or chose to ignore it. But even after everything that’s happened, he has a hold over me and I felt it when we spoke. I hate myself for it. I hate feeling it. But it’s true. He’s the box that should never be opened but it’s never truly been closed.”
The reality of thosewords make me sick somewhere deep in my stomach. Tanner isn’t laughing anymore.
“Annie, it probably won’t surprise you to know that I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than a couple months, so I’m not the best man to give romance advice. But I think part of the reason I haven’t stayed in a relationship is that it shouldn’t feel like a trap. You shouldn’t feel as if someone has a hold over you that you can’t break. When I do have a relationship, I want to be in it and I want whichever woman I choose to be right there with me, by choice, unleashed, happy. I think that’s what a healthy relationship would look like.”
“You think he feels like I tried to trap him with a baby?”
“What? Shit, no.”He reaches out to my chin, gently encouraging me to look at him. “Anyone who knows you can see you would never do that. First, it takes two people to make a baby.”
“You’re a genius,” I tease.
“Basic biology, baby.” He winks that winkety-wink of his that would, in other circumstances, have my panties in a tiz, again. “Second, you grind day in, day out in every aspect of your life. Youhatehandouts.”
He holds his next blink. “What I’m trying to say is that Auston… He?—”
“Used me?”
He swallows, fixing on me. “You’re a million times the person he is, and you shouldn’t feel like hehas any hold overyouanymore. That isn’t love.”
Oof.The truth cuts like a serrated knife. I bite down on my gums, nudging my chin out of his hold.
“You’re nothing if not honest, Tanner Pace.” I force my lips up but he’s staring at them like he can see straight through my façade.
Then his thumb shifts slowly toward them and the way the simple move makes everything in my torso dance tells me that I’m inverydangerous territory. Luckily, Tanner snaps his hand back like his body calledhut.
I focus on the white picket fence in front of us, mentally doing box breathing. I need to get control of this situation and my crazy hormones. Whatever feelings I’m trying not to catch, there’s no way Tanner has them. I’m doing it again, coming dangerously close to crushing on a guy I don’t and can’t want or have.
Same old me.
“I’m not sure that’s what the whole town believes,” I tell him. “They cross the road from me because they think I’m a hussy.”
“Annie—”
“It’s okay.” Wallowing doesn’t suit me, or any Quinn. “I thought the funny looks and the whispers would stop once Colton’s PR guy outed me and Auston at the end of last season. I didn’t like all that attention but I thought, at least people know now – I hadn’t been sleeping around, I’d actually been with a guy,oneguy.” We turn our heads so we’re both facing each other. “I’ve only ever been with one man.”
I don’t know why I blurt that, except that I want him to know I’m not a slut. And he must have assumed I was because he’s stunned by the admission.
My eyes fill unexpectedly because this is my genuine reality. “But now, all they see is a girl who got herself knocked up in the hope of bagging a football star.”
“Fuckthem,” Tanner bites. “Who gives a damn about a busybody in the street?”
“This is myhome,Tanner. It’s embarrassing for my family. I hate going into town to even run a small errand these days.”
He nods slowly, contemplatively. “Next time you go into town, you’ll be with me.”
I scoff. “I’m sure being seen with another pro-baller will stop all the tongues wagging.”
