Page 39 of Out of Bounds
Auston exhales, pushing out a breath as he takes off his cap and drags his fingers back through his thick curls. “Can I hold him?”
I wish I could ask Nelson what he wants and what’s best for him but this is all on me. I’m his protector, his guardian, his mama. And I don’t know the right answer to the question.
Betty gives me the subtlest head shuffle, telling me to give Auston a chance. So against my better judgment, I kiss Nelson on the brow and hand him over.
Auston’s fingers tremble as he takes hold of his son, holding him out the way Rafiki holds Simba inThe Lion King– at arm’s length. But my little lion cub is strong. He reaches out a hand to touch Auston’s face and in doing so, forces Auston to bring him closer.
They stare at each other, Nelson touching his daddy’s face, and I’m feeling so many conflicting emotions that I can’t get a handle on any of them.
There are sounds like phones taking pictures around us and they steal my attention, bringing Auston back to the present, too. He suddenly thrusts Nelson at me. “I can’t do this.”
Then he’s gone, rushing back into the crowded airport and out of sight.
Back out his baby’s life.
Except this time it hurts even more because now he’s seen Nelson. He’s met him and he’s held him and still walked away.
It takes a matter of hours for my personal life to hit social media, again. It takes twenty-four hours for it to go viral.
What people don’t seem to grasp is that one day, my son will see these images and reels. One day, he’ll watch as his daddy publicly meets him and just as quickly turns his back on him.
One day, he’ll hurt as badly as I do now.
17
PACE – LATE SEPTEMBER
Life Size Me
“Tanner! Colton! This way. Max, over here!”
We’re being hollered at from reporters and cameramen on the red carpet for the youth charity event we’re attending. It’s a charity to get underprivileged kids into sports. The Bears support it and personally Colton, Max and I donate to it, too.
“Give us a smile, guys!”
We’re all dressed in our finery. My stylist chose a classic dark blue suit and white button down for me, and despite them being my size, the insanely polished shoes on my feet are killing me already.
“Arms around each other, guys!”
Colton is the first to leave our spotlight as soon as our allocated time is up. Standing to the side of the carpet with the event PRs is Sas, looking lovely in a floor-sweeping black dress, her hair pinned up and lips painted red.
She’s here as Colton’s significant other, rather than in her capacity as our agent’s associate, so it’s not surprising when Colton kisses her then tucks her into his side. I don’t even think they notice the cameras trained on them.
Max’s on-off girlfriend is here tonight, too. I’m not a fan of her, honestly. She knows how pretty she is – she earns a good living as a model – and uses it like a weapon to pick up and drop Max whenever it suits her. But they beam at each other now as they walk inside.
I trail behind the four of them like a gooseberry as we make our way into the drinks reception of the venue. Hundreds of finely clad guests fill the space where there’s a pianist playing and canapés are being served from trays. All around the room are signed life-size cutouts of…me. Well, me, Max, Colton and some of the other Bears.
We’re split off in a thousand directions by people wanting to chat and have photographs with us, asking us to sign things “for their kids”. Usually, I lap it up, the attention suits my extroversion, but tonight, I feel flat. It’s a relief to sit down at our table ahead of dinner service and be wedged between my guys, Sas and some of the Bears staff.
As we wait for the charity reps to make a welcome speech, I have a chance to ask Colton, “How’s Annie holding up?”
“I’d tell you if she was speaking to me.” He shakes his head as he drinks from a glass of water.
“You blew up, huh?”
His mouth twists. “I don’t get why she met him and why she didn’t tell me she was going to. I could have told her that a public meet at a fucking airport wouldn’t go well.”
“Playing devil’s advocate, though, man, maybe she didn’t tell you because she knew how you’d react.”
