Page 94 of Heartsmashed
“Hmm?” I could feel the vibration of the word even if I could barely hear it as the swing lulled to a stop.
I took in a deep breath through my nose, still holding Sawyer close.
“I should’ve told you this the night we met,” I said. “You walked through the door at the hotel, and I noticed you right away. Couldn’t take my eyes off you, actually.”
He made a soft sound in the back of his throat and I forced myself to keep going.
“I didn’t plan on staying that night. I was getting ready to leave, actually, when you walked in. You walked right up to me and you looked so nervous.”
I wet my lips, feeling much the same fucking way right then.
“You see, I was there to meet someone too, only…it wasn’t you. You thought I was the guy you were there for and I didn’t correct you.”
Sawyer didn’t say anything to that, probably in shock, so I kept going.
“You were just so beautiful, and you seemed like you needed someone in your corner, and…I told myself I was helping. But that doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t been honest with you. I let you believe I was the man you hired, and…I’m not. I was just the guy who happened to be there at the right time.”
Sawyer’s head tipped forward against my chest. For a second, I thought he was reacting. Hiding his face and bracing himself.
But then his hand went slack, dropping down to my lap, his breathing evened out, and I froze.
“Sawyer?”
Nothing.
I looked down and found him asleep against me, his cheek pressed to my shirt, lashes dark against his skin and his lips slightly parted.
Of course. Ofcoursethe man who could survive a full day of family mayhem, telling off his ex, destroying my body before coffee, and then performing what amounted to a full concert during karaoke would fall asleep at the exact moment I’d found the nerve to tell him the truth.
I almost laughed, because what were the odds?
Instead, a heaviness settled in my chest, because the brief moment of relief that flickered through me was the worst part. For a second, I was glad he hadn’t heard.
Then I hated myself for it.
I slid my hand carefully over his back, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing. He looked so peaceful and had trusted me enough to fall asleep in the middle of my confession because he had no idea there was anything to fear from me.
That ended tomorrow. It had to.
I wouldn’t let him walk into his mothers’ vow renewal beside me while I was still pretending to be the man he thought he’d hired. I wouldn’t let him keep smiling at me like I’d earned every piece of him when I’d been holding back the one thing that could change everything.
We sat out there for a long time, and it wasn’t until Sawyer shifted and began to mumble in his sleep that I took him inside. He stirred a little when I pulled the sheets over him, but only enough to reach for me when I climbed in beside him. I let him curl against me, his leg sliding between mine like there was nowhere else he expected me to be.
I held him and stared up at the wooden beams along the ceiling, unable to drift off as peacefully as he had with my brain running through every possible scenario.
I didn’t have a choice anymore, not when there was only one decent thing left to do.
I’d tell him first thing.
Tomorrow.
27
SAWYER
THIS WAKING-UP-EARLY THING was starting to freak me out.
At least the sun was up this time, but I was not the guy who woke up before my alarm went off. I remembered setting it at some point yesterday so I could snooze it at least four times before I had to get up, but nope. I was awake.
