Page 55 of Heartsmashed
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d wanted someone so badly. My heart was pounding in time with my cock, so hard and fast it was a wonder I hadn’t passed out.
He grabbed at my ass, pulling me even closer. The friction of the serious cock-rub happening was driving me out of my mind, and it would’ve been easy to come right then and there.
But I had other plans for tonight, ones that had me getting up close and personal with the rock-hard length Sawyer was sporting. I dipped my fingers beneath the waist of his briefs, skimming the head of his dick, and then everything changed.One second we were speeding toward mutual orgasms, and the next…
“You’re not charging me extra for this, right?”
He was teasing when he said it, his tone light and still full of desire as he kissed his way across my jaw to my ear.
But it was like a cold bucket of water getting splashed in my face, and I froze.
Then Sawyer froze.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. It was a joke.”
One that only reminded me of the fact that I really shouldn’t be here at all. Not in the Catskills, not in this cabin, and definitely not with Sawyer.
Fuck.
I sat up between Sawyer’s spread thighs, still breathing heavily, and he lifted up on his elbows. “I mean, obviously I was kidding. Unless…I mean…Doesthis cost more?”
It was honest, but the words landed like a slap anyway. Because of course that was what he would think. It was one thing to kiss him and tell him I’d meant it, but he was obviously under the impression that anything sexual came with the job. Or could. For the right price.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to regroup, but Sawyer wasn’t giving me a chance to think.
“Sorry, it’s just that we haven’t talked about it, and you said the kiss was because you wanted to, but is this because you want to or… I don’t know. This is stupid, and I’m sorry. I should’ve asked first before we?—”
“No,” I cut in, swallowing thickly. “It’s fine. Consider this one on the house.”
“Oh.” His mouth snapped shut, and we both went silent, a different kind of tension creeping into the room and snuffing out the embers of anything sexual.
Wow. Way to fuck this up, Calder.
I shifted, moving off the mattress and getting to my feet. The damage was done. I could see it in his expression and the way the air shifted between us. My dick still hadn’t gotten the memo, but it would. Nothing else was happening tonight.
If ever, now.
Swiping my pants off the floor, I started in the direction of the bathroom, needing to put some distance between us—and take another cold shower.
But then, because it suddenly felt important to say, I turned, facing Sawyer again. “I don’t do this. Not like…this.”
His brows knitted together. “Then why?—”
“Because it’s you,” I said, the words coming out before I could overthink them. “It’s different with you.”
Silence fell again between us, and after a long moment, Sawyer let out a breath, his gaze dropping for a second before coming back up.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. Not really.
With one last look, I turned and headed into the bathroom, and as the door clicked shut behind me, I wondered if it was possible for this to ever be anything more with the lie hanging over my head.
17
SAWYER
WHEN I WOKE up the next morning, Beckett wasn’t there.
