Page 112 of Heartsmashed
He looked up, and I saw the hesitation in his eyes. The way he wanted to believe what I was saying was true.
“I stayed because you made me want to wake up in the morning because you’re there. Because I think it’s adorable that if they had coffee IVs, you’d be the first in line to get one. The way you pretend to be annoyed when you’re really feeling emotional. The way you’re the first one out on the dance floor, doing the Worm just to make everyone else smile.”
Sawyer bit the inside of his cheek.
“I stayed because somewhere along the way, this stopped being about helping you get through a shit week and became about wanting to know the man who I hoped would still be there after it ended.”
It was so quiet that the music from the reception could be heard again, reminding me that he’d walked away from it to stand there with me.
“And I hate,” I said, “that I hurt you while figuring that out.”
Sawyer’s eyes were glistening, but he didn’t look away this time.
“That was a very good answer,” he said.
“I meant every word.”
He nodded slowly, and I held my breath. It was a lot to ask of him, I knew that. But God I wanted him.
He took a step toward me. “I’m going to be very clear, and you’re going to listen. Because no more lies, Beckett. No more deciding you know what I can handle. No more keepingsomething from me because you’re scared I’ll walk away, and no more of that noble, self-sacrificing stuff where you decide for both of us and then act like it’s for my benefit.”
I nodded. “No more. I agree.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do. You should.”
“And if something is ugly, I want that too.Especiallythat. That’s where all the important crap hides, apparently.”
“You’ll have it.”
“I’m not saying I’m over it.”
“I don’t expect you to be.”
“And I’m not saying you won’t have to make it up to me many, many times over.”
“Understood.”
“I mean it. There will be times it takes all night, and some of the mornings too, because of how much apologizing you’ll have to do.”
I hid my smile. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I promise.”
“Good.” The smallest smile curved his mouth, and it almost knocked me sideways. Not because this magically fixed everything, because it didn’t. But because it was real and directed at me, and I hadn’t realized how starved I’d been for even that small piece of him until I saw it.
Sawyer stepped closer, slowly closing the distance between us.
“You weren’t the guy I hired, but”—he looked up at me almost shyly—“turns out you were exactly who I needed.”
“Sawyer…”
“More than that, you’re who I want.”
For a second, all the restless parts of me stopped. The guilt, the fear, all that had been bubbling up inside of me, went still.Sawyer had come here unsure, and somehow he was standing in front of me, offering a chance with both eyes open now.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For the lie. For letting you build anything on it, and for deciding I knew what was best. I won’t do that again. Ever.”
“You better not.”
