Page 76 of Heartsmashed
“Sounds like they wanted you to have every option to find what you enjoyed.”
“Yeah.” He shifted the reins loosely in his hand. “When they adopted us, they went all in. We got lucky with them.”
I looked at him, careful not to react like he’d made some big announcement, because he said it in the same way he talked about the view or what he’d had for lunch yesterday, likeadoption wasn’t a wound he needed to explain. It was just part of the story, part of the family he clearly loved.
“All three of you?” I said.
“Yeah. They chose us and then just kept choosing us. Sometimes people ask if I want to find my biological family, and I get why, but…I’ve just never felt that pull. I don’t feel like I’m missing a family. I have one. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.”
I nodded. That tracked with everything I’d learned about Sawyer.
“You know, my mom used to say love was a choice you keep making,” I said. “She’d like your parents.”
“She would. They’re a lot, but they’re the best people I know.”
“I noticed.”
“They never made it feel second best,” he said. “Being chosen.”
“Because it wasn’t.” His eyes moved to mine, and I held them. “Being chosen matters. Sometimes more than anything.”
I knew why the words came out heavier than I’d intended them to. It was because I was thinking about him. About the way he’d reached for me in a hotel lounge, thinking I was someone else, and the way I’d chosen to stay when I could’ve corrected him. Every day since had become less accident and more decision.
A selfish one, maybe. But a choice all the same.
Sawyer’s eyes dropped to my lips before he met my gaze again, but before either of us could say anything else, Duchess jerked forward toward a fresh patch of grass.
“Jesus,” I said, her sudden move catching me off balance and interrupting the moment.
Sawyer laughed under his breath. “She’s hungry. We should head back.”
“How? She’s been eating the whole time.”
Duchess tried to veer off a couple more times on the way, but I was able to correct her both times without Sawyer’s needing to rescue me, which he claimed was “deeply disappointing” because he enjoyed being my hero.
When we reached the stable yard, Sawyer dismounted easily then came over to stand by Duchess’s side as I prepared to get down.
“Need help, cowboy?”
I swung my leg over and landed with a bit of a stumble, but Sawyer caught me by the waist automatically and steadied me.
His hands stayed where they were, warm through my sweater. A second ago he’d been laughing at me, and now he was close enough I could see the tiny flecks of gold in his dark eyes.
“You did great today,” he said. “I’m proud of you.”
“How the tables have turned.”
“I don’t mind it.”
“I bet you don’t.”Duchess nudged my shoulder from behind suddenly, nearly knocking me into Sawyer. He caught me, laughing, and said, “Your girlfriend’s jealous.”
“I don’t think that push was jealousy.” I glanced back at Duchess, who looked entirely too smug for a horse.
Sawyer was still grinning when we handed over the reins and started back to the resort for lunch, natural and easy, but with an undercurrent that had our shoulders bumping as we walked.
And even though I knew that any time now I needed to tell Sawyer the truth, I let myself have the moment. The sun, his laughter, the teasing.
And the terrifying, impossible hope that maybe being chosen wasn’t only something that happened once in a lifetime.
