Page 100 of Heartsmashed
He nodded slowly, like he’d heard me but didn’t know what to do with it.
The sound of my phone vibrating on the counter cut through the silence. Sawyer glanced at it and tapped the screen once, silencing the alarm I’d set yesterday. He didn’t say anything as he walked over to the dresser and picked up his watch.
The day was still happening. His mothers’ vow renewal was in a few hours, and he still had to put on a suit, stand with his family, smile for photos, and somehow carry this with him.
GodI was an asshole.
“I need to go get ready,” he said, his back to me.
“I know. I’ll…go.”
That made him pause.
“No,” he said, voice rough. “You need to get ready too.”
“I don’t know that I should be there.”
“My moms are expecting you now.” He picked up his cuff links, closing his fist around them. “And I’m not explaining this to them today.”
That was fair. More than fair. Peter would be there, his family would be there, and the last thing Sawyer needed was whispers and questions. Especially on a day that belonged to Catherine and Lily.
I nodded. “Okay.”
He went to the closet and pulled out a garment bag and the shoes for later. For a moment he stood there with everything hooked over one arm, staring down at the floor instead of me.
“I need space.”
“I know.”
He started toward the door, but then turned around. “You’ll be there later?”
“I will.”
He bit down on his lip and nodded, and it was all I could do not to go to him, to wrap him in my arms and make him believe I never meant for this to happen this way.
But he didn’t need my arms. He needed my honesty. And, apparently, space.
So I stood there, helpless, as Sawyer walked out the door, the latch clicking shut quietly behind him. Worse than a slammed door.
The room felt hollow after he left, too quiet with the evidence of us everywhere. The rumpled bed. The clothes on the floor. His cologne still hanging faintly in the air, wrapping around me like a punishment.
For days I’d told myself I was waiting for the right time, but there had never been a perfect moment to come out with the truth.
I didn’t follow him. He’d asked for space and I would give it to him even if it killed me.
Because that was what you were supposed to do when you cared deeply about someone. You just had to sit with what you’d done and hope like hell it hadn’t destroyed the thing you wanted most.
29
SAWYER
IBARELY REMEMBERED walking to the groom’s lounge.
One second I was leaving the cabin with my garment bag over my shoulder, and the next I was standing outside the room the resort had given us to get ready in, staring at the brass handle.
My hand was still tightly wrapped around my cuff links, and the sharp edges bit into my palm. I didn’t loosen my fingers or breathe or any number of things that could’ve calmed me down before I walked inside and faced my brothers.
I just stood there.
