Page 41 of Godbound
A hot swell of regret burns through me as the words leave my mouth.
Kaelzar’s broad shoulders tense. As if on cue, memories of his scorn, his sharp-edged reminders that I am unworthy of him, flare in my mind, searing through me like an old wound torn open. I shouldn’t have asked. But something in me needed to.
Because no man has ever been mine.
Not my father, who saw me only as a vessel for redemption. Not Ryker, who discarded me the moment I became inconvenient. Every bond I’ve known has been conditional. Fragile. A title I had to earn, and once I did, it was always just one mistake away from being ripped from me.
And I know Kaelzar and I had only just met, but everything I’ve heard, everything I thought I knew, told me one thing: that Godbeasts are loyal without condition. A rock beside their Champion. A shield against the world.
So maybe, deep down, I let myself hope that I’d finally been given that. That no matter how this Trial broke me, at least I’d have one person—one being—who would not.
Instead, I got a blade that cuts when I reach for it. An ally that chastises me for even daring to call him mine. And it hurts more than I want to admit.
His fingers tighten into a fist, the black chains over his chest pulsing in time with his rage. His voice, low and edged with something colder than steel, cuts through the dim carriage.
“Because, Trouble, I am not yours to claim. I was forced into this bond, and my only purpose is to ensure your victory. No matter the cost. So do not mistake necessity for partnership, nor my presence forloyalty. I am a weapon bound to your cause, and I will break any rule, take any life, and hurt anyone, including you, to achieve that.”
The breath catches in my throat. The flickering light carves harsh lines across his face, deepening his brutality. And for a moment, I feel as though I’m looking at my enemy, not my ally.
Kaelzar leans back, his gaze distant. “Some bonds are forged in chains, not choice. When this is over, and you’ve won…” He exhales, almost to himself. “I’ll finally be free of this burden. And whatever happens to you then... that’s your fate to face. Maybe you deserve it.”
The words land like a blow. My pulse thunders in my ears. Because deep down, I didn’t want to claim him for power or pride. I just wanted to believe that this time I was allowed to reach for something—someone—without being told I had no right to.
Yet here I am, being told otherwise. Again.
Stay down. Stay quiet. Unworthy even to hope for an equal. Unfit to be seen as anything more than a burden.
The hurt spills through my chest so thick it feels like it might drown me, but instead, it twists. Sharpens. And somewhere in the pressure, it ignites. I see red.
“You think your presence is the linchpin of my success?” I hiss. “That without you, I am doomed to fail? How ironic, considering what I’ve glimpsed in your memories. You failed someone, didn’t you? You left them to their fate while you chased dreams that now mean nothing. That guilt festers inside you. And you think making me win will absolve you? That it will fix what you destroyed?”
Kaelzar’s jaw locks, but I don’t stop.
“Just as you’ve seen pieces of me I wish I could hide, I’ve seen pieces of you. The desperate fragments of your soul, the regret you wear like a brand. You think you’re some tragic martyr on a lonely path?” I let the silence sharpen the weight of my words before delivering the final blow. “If that’s what you believe, then you’re a blemish I could do without.”
His expression darkens. The chains slither against his skin, pulsing with the fury in his veins.
“But since neither of us can escape this bond, I’ll make use of it,”I say, my voice steady. “If nothing else, being tethered to you is a reminder of everything I refuse to become.”
The carriage rattles on. I turn to the window, my chest rising and falling with the force of my words. This Trial is mine to win, with or without him.
When the silence stretches too long, I snap my head back to him. “Well? Tell the coachman I’m awake so we can finally be done with this ride.”
Kaelzar doesn’t even lift his head. “He’d known by the lack of snoring.”
Rage prickles through me, and the magic within me stirs, testing the edges of its restraint.
Then, suddenly, Kaelzar moves. A rare shift in his usual stillness. My gaze flits to his face, just in time to catch the briefest glimpse of silver-gray eyes. They aren’t on my face.
They’re on my right hand. I follow his line of sight and realize that my fingers are playing with the ring he gave me.
I hadn’t even noticed. But now, the tiny golden band holds both our attention, the silence between us thick. He said it would help me control my magic. Does he regret giving it to me? Does he wish the magic would consume me instead?
“Do you want it back?” I ask sharply, ready to rip it off. Before I can, Kaelzar jolts forward. His hand catches mine.
The suddenness of the movement startles not only me but the Godbeast as well. Kaelzar stares at his fingers wrapped around mine, then lifts his gaze, his expression unreadable.
Then the carriage slams to a stop. The force pitches him forward—into me.
