Page 41 of Gabriel
His eyes narrow and something calculating enters his gaze. “Not until you explain what the hell is happening right now.”
My mind races a mile a minute. I need to get out of here. If I can just make it past Gabriel and his friends, I can walk the few blocks to the bus stop and hop on that to get home. Dad has the spare key to my Jeep. I can come back for it tomorrow. It’s not a big deal. I just need to?—
Gabriel reaches out for me again and as soon as his hand closes around my arm, something inside of me snaps. All of the fear I felt that night comes crashing into me like ocean waves intent on dragging me out to sea.
“Get away from me!” I scream, stumbling back.
My legs collide with the bleachers behind me, and I fall on my ass before scrambling backwards in a makeshift crab crawl as I frantically climb back up the stands. My chest heaves up and down. My throat suddenly dry.
Gabriel is frozen, eyes wide in shock by my reaction, but I can’t stop moving. Can’t stop trying to get away. I scramble back until my back hits the wall at the back of the bleachers but it’s still not enough. Not far enough. Not safe enough.No. No. No.
Tears fill my eyes and I blink hard, desperate to make them go away. “Don’t fall apart. Do not fall apart,” I whisper to myself.
My head is dizzy and my hands tremble as I fight to calm down, but nothing works. What is happening right now? It’s been weeks since I’ve had a panic attack like this, but I can barely breathe right now. My heart pounds as though desperate to tear itself out of my chest. I scrub my hand over my face, fingers pressing deep into my skin.
Why is this happening right now? Just, fucking why?
“Cecilia?”
“Stop!” I snap, holding one hand in the air to ward him off as the other clings to my chest. I press against my racing heart, willing it to slow down, and everything around me slowly falls away.
My vision narrows and the edges blur. I can hear Gabriel’s steps as he retreats, moving closer to his friends and further away from me.
Muffled voices reach me as he talks with his friends, but I can’t make out their words. Not that I care. I’m sure it’s about me. The crazy girl freaking out in front of them. I bet Gabriel’s regretting that kiss now. I know I am.
No one comes any closer, and for that, I’m grateful. I suck in a deep breath through my mouth and exhale it as slowly as I can through my nose, focusing on the action like the internet suggested. I know I’m having a panic attack. They’ve happened enough times that I recognize the signs, but what I don’t understand is why now? I’m back at school. I see people every day. I brush past men in the hallways. This shouldn’t be happening to me. I had it under control.
I take another breath and close my eyes, straining my ears in case anyone decides to climb the bleachers toward me. I just need a minute. If I can just have a minute to catch my bearings, I’ll be fine.
I wrack my brain for all the things I read about dealing with panic attacks and anxiety and the 3-3-3 rule comes to mind, so I cling to it. “Three, three, three,” I whisper to myself.
“Name three sounds you can hear.”
I take a deep breath and listen to the noise around me.
“The wind.” Another breath. “Gabriel’s voice. The sound of cars passing on the road.”
Another deep breath.
“Move three parts of your body.”
I open and close my fists. I bounce my knee. Deep breath. I roll my neck.
Another inhale before letting it out. I release a small piece of my panic on my next exhale.
“Point out three things you can see.”
I open my eyes and let my surroundings come into focus. “Soccer field. Gabriel. Gabriel’s friends.”
I swallow hard. “I’m okay.” I tell myself. “I’m okay.”
CHAPTER 14
GABRIEL
“Your girl okay?” Julio asks.
I shake my head and he grabs my arm right as I’m about to go after her, forcing me to stop.
