Page 95 of Wicked Savage Cruel
Handing him to her, I grab apão de queijo—a baked cheese roll, just as a honk outside alerts me that my ride is here.
“There’s breastmilk in the freezer and I have my phone on me. If he gets too fussy. I can always—”
“Go, Bibiana. We’ll be fine,” my mom tells me. I hesitate for a moment before the sound of the horn again jerks me into motion. I give Luis a kiss on the cheek, grab my breakfast, and head for the door. “Call me if—”
“Yes. I know,minha filha. I raised you, and you turned out fine. Stop worrying. Go. Have fun.”
Fun isn’t the word I would use to describe high school, but I keep my feelings to myself and hurry outside.
Jaejun Yu—Jae for short—is standing in my driveway beside a sleek, cherry red Acura TLX. He grins when he looks up from his phone and realizes I’m there before he rushes around to the passenger side to open my door.
“Thanks.” I offer him a tight smile and slide into the passenger seat, tucking my backpack between my legs on the floor as he jogs around the car to get back in. I hate when he does that. I know he’s being chivalrous or whatever, but it still feels weird. Like it means something more than it should.
“You all set?” he asks, a smile on his too-handsome face. He leans forward and tucks a strand of my curly black hair behind my ear, lingering a second longer than he should before settling back in his seat. “You look beautiful, Bibi.”
I fight my grimace and mutter out a thank you as I buckle my seat belt.
Don’t get me wrong, Jae is great. He’s kind and handsome and he’s always there to lend a helping hand like right now, taking me to school when he doesn’t even go to Sun Valley High. He isn’t even in high school. He graduated two years ago, so why he insists on driving me and wasting his time when I know he has classes at Suncrest U that he’ll be late for baffles me.
I sound ungrateful. I should probably work on that. It’s just that Jae tries really hard. All the time. We met at one of my mom’s boyfriend’s—Miguel’s—work events and we sort of hit it off. But in the let’s be best friend’s way, not the I want to date you way. I thought we were on the same page, but the more and more we’re around one another, I get the feeling that we’re not.
I have no idea why he’s even remotely interested in me. He’s interning with Miguel’s security firm while he finishes his degree, and he has his entire life laid out in front of him. Everything meticulously planned to ensure success.
He even has his own townhouse at twenty. He bought it when he was eighteen as an investment property shortly after graduation. Even as a teenager he had a plan. He’s smart. Responsible. Has a good head on his shoulders and probably has health insurance.
Meanwhile, I’m an eighteen-year-old single mom with zero plans for my future beyond making it to graduation. I want to do something with my life, sure. But I’m still very much in survival mode here. I don’t have the mental capacity to focus on anything or anyone beyond school and Luis and, let’s be honest, he could do so much better than me.
Mom likes to nudge me in his direction every chance she gets, but…I sigh. I’m not ready for that.
Jae’s an exotic kind of good-looking. Half Korean and half Italian, he has hazel eyes and dark brown hair worn long on top in a bun and shaved on the sides. He turns more than a few heads when he enters a room, and there is zero question as to why. His cheekbones are high and sharp, his jawline angular, and there’s just something striking about him that makes it hard to look away.
But I don’t have time for a relationship. And even if I did, I’m not sure I want one. No matter how much my mother pushes or how much I try to convince myself that I should give him a chance, I’m not ready to jump back on that particular horse. With my luck, the next person I sleep with will get me pregnant too. I snort. Okay, probably not thanks to the wonderful IUD I got after Luis was born, but still. Accidents happen and while I wouldn’t trade Luis for anything in the world, my days of being reckless are over. No more unplanned pregnancies for me, thank you very much.
I haven’t been with anyone since Luis’s father. Pathetic, I know. I get one night of incredibly reckless sex only to become a spinster afterward. It’s unfair. I grit my teeth and silently curse him. Thinking back on that night all this time later, my skin still prickles with heat, my body still desperate and longing for him. It’s naive of me to think one day our paths will cross again. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me from looking. The little girl inside of me still believes in fairy tales regardless of how stupid it sounds. I think a teeny, tiny piece of me will always wonder what would happen if I saw him again? If he knew about Luis?
It’s not like I owe him my fidelity or anything but … I don’t know. A part of me feels like the idea of pursuing something with anyone else would be a betrayal.
It’s been eighteen months since Monique and I crashed a Sun Valley Party, and unless he was a lot older than he looked and already graduated, there is a chance he still goes to Sun Valley High.
If he does, I’m going to find him. And if he doesn’t, maybe I’ll finally be able to put that night behind me.
FORTY-FOUR
Bibiana
High school is the same hell I remember it being, only somehow worse. At the academy, people at least smiled my way before they ignored me. It was like church where everyone is nice to your face for the sake of appearances. They keep their pettiness and bullshit for moments behind your back where you can’t hear them.
Which is all fine. There, I had a solid friend group already in place. I knew who to trust. Who was a real friend, and who was fake and should be avoided. As a scholarship kid, I wasn’t Miss Popular by any means, but I had Monique and that added a layer of protection. No one fucked with the Price family. If their money didn’t intimidate you, Dominique Price, the town’s football legend, star quarterback and self-proclaimed Devil would. It only took one time during freshman year for the entire school to realize that Dominique would always defend his sister’s honor whether he attended Suncrest Academy or not. And he did one hell of a job using his fists to accomplish that.
Here, there is no mock politeness and there is zero common courtesy in these hallways. I’m the new girl and everyone has already decided to hate me on sight. I’m greeted with looks of disgust or ignored entirely.
It’s infuriating and not the reception I’d been hoping for, but there isn’t anything I can do about it. The best I can hope for is to skate through and not cause any waves while drawing minimal attention to myself. The school’s administration know I’m a breastfeeding mom. They’ve made some accommodations for me, and my teachers have been made aware that I’ll sometimes arrive a few minutes late if I need to pump before class. Thankfully, the school is letting me duck into the nurse’s office when I need to, so I don’t have to resort to using the girl’s bathroom.
I’d rather keep my single-mom status a secret if I can help it.
I’m not ashamed to be a mom. Luis is the best thing that ever happened to me. But I don’t want to broadcast it to everyone in the school either. Teenagers are assholes. I would know. And I refuse to give anyone here ammunition against me.
I make it through my first two classes without incident and spend the second half of lunch—after pumping—alone in the library, which is surprisingly pleasant. There’s something about being surrounded by worn books that I take a special sort of comfort in. I’m skimming through a fantasy novel when voices a few book stacks away draw my attention. Setting the book back on the shelf, I edge closer, curious to see who’s there. The library had been empty when I arrived. I wonder if maybe there are others like me who don’t blend in with the crowd hiding out in here.
